Back In Your Arms
by CPDRuzekFan
Summary: Burzek. Kim deals with the ramifications of Nicole's rape and what it means for her and a potential reunion with Adam.
1. Chapter 1

It had been an exhausting six months, but things finally seemed to have leveled off and trending in the right direction.

Finally.

As if her break up with Adam wasn't enough she had jumped head first into the biggest mistake of her life. Yes, even bigger than letting Adam go. That was awful and she'd regret it for the rest of her life, but jumping into bed with _San Diego_ blew that mistake out of the water. She didn't dare say his name, just the mere thought of him made her sick to her stomach. She still wasn't completely convinced that she hadn't been possessed by something during that time in her life.

Onward and upward, right?

If only it had been that easy.

Nothing in life worth having was easily attained.

She never thought it would be this hard though. For that she only had herself to blame.

As the dust settled and San Diego left things started to look up for her, both professionally and personally.

Somehow she and Adam found some way to co-exist, they'd run into each other at the district and share an awkward conversation. With each passing day the awkwardness lessened and it wasn't long before they seemed on the path of friendship.

Then Antonio left the unit and she was promoted. Her joy was short lived, within days of being promoted Adam vanished.

He was gone without a word and it was like a kick to the stomach. Had she gone completely off the reservation? Had she imagined something that didn't exist? She thought they had become friends. Clearly she had been wrong.

She had been wrong about a lot lately.

He had turned tail and ran when she was promoted. That was a tough pill to swallow, as was having Olisnky declare her a 'badge bunny'

It hurt but she only had herself to blame.

She had put herself in this position, and she was the only one to get herself out of it.

She did it too, she put her head down and did the work. Kim was going to prove that she deserved a spot in the unit, she was going to show them all that she was more than capable.

She did it too.

She could scratch that off her 'to do' list.

The next was to repair her relationship with Adam, she had no idea where they stood at this point. She didn't even know if he wanted anything to do with her. Did he want to be friends? Did he want to ignore her existence?

She had been shocked to see him that horrifically cold night, just the sight of him took her breath away. That had surprised her a bit, his presence set her heart a flutter. He was bathed in the soft light of the street lights, like a mañana from heaven. She had felt her knees nearly give way that night, his smile still caused goosebumps on her arms as she thought about that night.

He looked amazing, he had lost some weight but he had looked fit. It was as if he had become a bit of a gym nut while he was away. He apologized to her for running away, and he asked her permission to come back.

As if he needed it.

They hugged and then he kissed her.

It had been perfect.

It left her wanting more, so much more.

As the days passed it went unmentioned, neither one brave enough to bring it up. So they went on as if nothing had happened.

It did happen though, and it was obvious to her that there was something between them. The kiss has ignited the tiniest spark and it had been burning slowly since that night.

They would bring each other coffee, they had somehow managed to show up to work within minutes of each other, their cars parked side by side in the in the lot.

Whoever arrived first would wait for the other to arrive and they'd walk in together. It was all happening so painstakingly slow, she could feel his resistance and she didn't blame him.

She had a lot to make up for, she had cast the fatal blow to their engagement and she would have to be the one to repair it.

He wasn't blameless but she had been the catalyst of it all. She had put the wheels in motion and she had been the one to break his heart.

She had to put the work in, and she would do it. She would do whatever was necessary to mend his broken heart.

Life had other plans though.

Nicole had shown up, her marriage in shambles. When she arrived at the district and had been frosty to Adam, Kim wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She had dogged Adam to Nicole when they ended the engagement, too embarrassed to own up to her own insecurities and fears to her big sister. The sister who had it all figured out, the perfect career, the perfect daughter, the perfect home, and the perfect marriage.

She didn't want Nicole to know that she had failed. Instead she chucked Adam under the bus, as if that wasn't bad enough she then backed that bus over him again and again.

Nicole had once loved him, and now she loathed him.

Well, she had loathed him.

Things had changed.

Nicole had told her that her perfect marriage was anything but perfect and it was over. That she had left her husband and it had gotten ugly.

Kim was shocked.

Nicole needed a night out, Kim convinced her to go out and have some fun. Kim and Zoe would hang out, they'd eat pizza and watch silly movies together, that it was for Nicole to enjoy herself. To have a night out with the girls.

Kim was beside herself when Nicole never came home that night.

It had been a living nightmare.

Adam was by her side the entire time, he had been an incredible source of support and she didn't think she would've gotten through it without him.

The night after she went undercover to arrest the bastards who had raped her sister, she had lost it. She had behaved in a fashion that was unlike anything she had done before. It was brutal and it was ugly.

She wasn't the least bit surprised that morning in the hospital when she awoke to him sitting vigil at her bedside. She had fallen apart in his arms, it dawned on her in that very moment that he was the only one who made her fell safe. His arms where the only place that she ever wanted to be.

Some times it takes losing everything to truly understand what you have.

She knew what she wanted, she wanted him.

She just hoped Adam would wait, and that he would find a way to forgive her.

Nicole needed her, and Kim put in a request for furlough.

Now that Nicole was on the path to healing, it was time for Kim to right all of the wrongs in her life.

That was what she was doing tonight, it was just the start of what would be a long and grueling process.

All great journeys started with one shaky step, and this was her's and Adam's first step.

So much had happened since she last saw Adam, Kim had been through the gamut of emotions.

Nicole was settled in her new home with Zoe, it was just a few blocks from Kim's townhouse. She had found a therapist and a solid support group and had found her footing. She had to push Kim out of her house just a few days ago. Telling her it was time for Kim to put her own life back in order.

Kim knew it was time but it wasn't easy. Nicole was still on edge a bit but her counselor thought it was time to move forward and that started with Kim heading back home.

So her she was, back home and feeling a bit lost. She wasn't used to the quiet, when she was with Nicole it was anything but quiet. Zoe's mouth was always moving the girl barely took a breath between sentences.

She checked her appearance once more before heading out, she had agonized for hours on what to wear. Her stomach a bundle of nerves and it was a bit silly, she had gone out with Adam a million times before.

Never before did so much ride on one night.

She knew it would take more than one night to make things right, but she hoped it was just the beginning.

 ** _Well, here I am again lol. Honestly I had no intentions of doing another story...but you know what they say about good intentions..._**

 ** _I posting this much earlier than I anticipated, in a way I'm doing it to make sure I see this through to the end. You won't let me drop the ball..will you?_**

 ** _This will be a pretty heavy story._**


	2. Chapter 2

Fuck he was nervous.

Gut churning, sweaty palms kind of nervous. He hadn't been this nervous in a long fucking time, he wasn't even this nervous when he proposed. He knew she'd say yes, what he didn't know was that it would all go to shit soon after.

In the blink of an eye he had lost the only woman he had ever truly loved. Sure he had loved Wendy, but it was nothing like the all consuming love he had felt for Kim..that he still felt for Kim.

She had ripped his heart out and stomped on it but he never stopped loving her. He had tried to stop loving her but it was fruitless. So he did his best to ignore it, he was doing okay on that front. It wasn't easy but he kept his distance, kept her at arm's length. The second he learned of her promotion he knew he was cooked. There was no way in hell he could work with her. He did the only thing he could think of, he ran. He wasn't proud of his behavior, in fact he felt like such a pussy because of it. He wouldn't go to Voight with his fears, he knew what would happen if he did. Kim would be bounced from the unit and that was the last thing he wanted. She had busted her ass and earned her spot in the unit, he wasn't going to take that from her.

He had a contact working in Vice so he made a few calls and secured an undercover gig. It had come together quick and he cleared out within a few days. He made arrangements for his apartment to be packed up and put in storage and was released from his lease.

In hindsight he knew he had fucked up.

He was scared shitless.

He had righted those wrongs, he apologized to Voight and while he was a bit miffed over how Voight kicked him down to patrol for a few shifts he got it. It was all a result of how he handled it, he had gone around Voight when he should've gone to him.

Worst of all, he had hurt Kim.

He hated that.

Kim was the one person he never wanted to hurt, and he had.

Even just after she ended things, he never wanted to hurt her. He didn't understand what went wrong between them but he wanted the best for her. Not even after that horrific day in court did he want to hurt her. He wanted to hurt someone that day, but it was never her.

He kept to himself a lot during that time in his life. He wasn't pleasant company and he didn't blame anyone who turned the other way when they saw him approaching.

"Here you go" Otis brought him a beer, "On the house.."

He had pulled Adam from his thoughts, which was appreciated. It would do him no good to go down that path again. No matter how many times he kicked it around his head nothing would change. He needed to let it go, he had to if he had any hopes of moving forward.

That's what this was.

It was the first step in moving forward.

"Thanks" Adam smiled, he took a long sip.

Otis shrugged, "You're welcome. You okay?"

Adam ran his finger around the rim of the bottle, "I'm kinda early." He laughed nervously, "Like an hour early" he was losing his mind at home, which was his pop's house. He had yet to find a place, he'd been home for over a month and was still looking for somewhere that wasn't complete shit.

"Yeah? You're meeting someone? A lady?" Otis leaned against the bar, "Finally getting back in the dating game?"

"Something like that." Adam replied.

"Well, good luck man. It's about time."

Adam just shrugged, he had heard it before. His pops thought he was crazy for not fucking the first chick that looked in his direction. His father was clearly a love them and leave them kinda guy. Adam wasn't a Saint and he had certainly had his fair share of sleazy hook ups but that was all before Kim. Meeting Kim and being loved by her had brought out the very best in him, she made him a better man. He wanted to be someone she was proud of, he knew she was as close to perfection as one could get and he often wondered if he deserved her.

He didn't think he did. When she ended their engagement it was as if she finally realized it. It was why he had put off that dinner with her mom, he was so afraid Kim's mother would look down on him. Not to mention the fact that he was terrified of her meeting his father, he never knew which of version of his father would show up. Would it be the obnoxious drunk, or the womanizer. It was akin to Russian roulette and it was a game Adam never liked to play and he certainly didn't want his future mother in law having dinner with him.

He didn't realize blowing that dinner off would cost him everything.

How differently he would've done things had he known.

Kim closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her heart thudding wildly, she swore she could hear the swoosh of the blood as it coursed through her veins. She finally pushed the door open, and glanced around the bar.

She spotted him immediately.

He sat hunched over at the bar, his head bobbing up and down as Otis spoke to him. She could tell by his body language that he was just as nervous as she was, a lot was riding on this.

"Hey Adam." Kim rested her hand on his back, "Am I late?"

Adam smiled, "No. I was early." He jumped off the barstool, "You look beautiful."

Kim felt the blush creep up her cheeks, "I don't know about that. It's just jeans and t-shirt."

"You're beautiful no matter what you wear." He always marveled at her beauty. She was oblivious to just how beautiful she was. She wasn't like Lindsay who seemed to put a lot of effort into her appearance. Erin was an attractive woman no doubt but Kim was effortlessly beautiful.

"Stop" She waved him off, "How's it going?"

He pulled out a barstool for her, "Its good. You? How's Nicole?"

Kim sat down, "Nicole is good, she's made a lot of strides. Her good days outnumber the bad."

"That's great." Adam couldn't takes his eyes off of her.

"What?" She blushed a bit, his gaze was intense "What is it?" She asked him.

"You" he replied, "It's you, you're beautiful."

"How many of those have you had?" She laughed as she pointed to his beer, "Anyway, what've you been up to? Your father sick of you yet?" She teased.

"Sick of me? Please I told you, I'm lovable" He laughed, "I bought a place. Just a few blocks from Al's place."

"Wow!" Kim was stunned, "How domestic of you."

He smirked, "Well the search for an apartment was a disaster and I'm pretty sure my pops is ready to kick me out. I'm cock blocking him. Which is just a little disturbing and pretty gross" he shuddered at the thought, "he's got blue balls..."

"Just shut up, Adam. I don't want to hear that" Kim pressed her hands against her ears, "I don't want to think of your father like..." she shook her head, "...like that. Tell me about your house."

He pushed his beer to the side, "I will do you one better. I've got pictures. Keep in mind it was in foreclosure and sat vacant for a long time. It needs work" he flicked through the pictures on his phone, "I can do most of the work myself, and Kevin knows a couple of guys who can help with electrical shit."

"Yes, that's a good plan. I remember you trying to change out a ceiling fan. I was certain you were going to electrocute yourself." She giggled a bit at the memory.

Adam rolled his eyes at her, "That was your building's wiring, not me." He scoffed.

"Sure it was." she nodded her head, "Its cute..." she was a bit surprised at the disarray it was in. The house was old, and clearly in need of a lot of work.

"Pictures don't do it justice. It had squatters in it. They made a mess but it's got a lot of potential, and I got it at a great price. It's gonna be gorgeous when I'm done with it. Just you wait."

She liked how his eyes lit up and the smile on his face was genuine. It wasn't the forced smile that seemed plastered on his face for the last year and a half. He was happy again.

"I will take your word for it." Kim rubbed his upper arm.

He pulled out his keys, "I went to close on it today, I've got the key. Come over tomorrow and check it out, it's got this amazing wrap around porch."

"Yea?"

"Yeah. You should come over." Adam repeated.

"Okay." Kim smiled, not entirely sure if he was serious or not.

"This is nice." Kim spoke as they shared a basket of French fries, "being here with you. It's like old times."

Adam plunged a fry in the mountain of ketchup, "It is. I've missed you."

"I'm sorry..for...well..." Kim sputtered and stammered.

Adam cut her off, "Not tonight, Kim. I don't want to do that tonight."

"We've got to at some point." Kim had done a lot of soul searching since Adam had left to go undercover, and then Nicole's rape. It had put so many things into perspective. It was a blessing in disguise when Adam went undercover. It made her realize just how deeply she had hurt him. She had blamed him for hurting her, when in reality she had hurt him. He had never stopped loving her, and he had been willing to give up his spot in the unit for her.

She had thrown all of that away, for a few nights of awful sex and an _'I love you...probably'_ she'd regret that till the day she died.

This right here? This was where she belonged.

"We will have it. I promise you that but not tonight. We have plenty of time for that...and.." the booming voice was hard to miss he heard him before he saw him, "...we've got company. Atwater and Halstead are here."

Kim looked over her shoulder, "Seems we do."

The night had taken a turn and while Kim enjoyed having Kevin and Jay around she was bit disappointed, neither she nor Adam had said the word _date_ it was exactly what it was.

It soon became apparent that Jay was in desperate need of a guy's night. He was still licking his wounds over Erin's abrupt move to New York. She grabbed Adam's hand and pulled him off to the side, "I'm gonna head out..."

"No. Don't go." Adam pleaded, "I don't want you to leave."

Kim looked over her shoulder at Jay, "He looks like his puppy just died, he needs his boys. I will catch up with you.."

"Tomorrow."

"What?" Kim cocked her head at him.

"Tomorrow. Come over to my place. I've got a shit ton of work to do, but I'd love for you to see it. You know a before and after kind of thing.."

"Ah, as cocky as ever I see. Already assuming I want to see you again." Kim teased, a playful smirk filling her face.

"Darlin', its not cocky when it's the truth." Adam went right back at her, "Let me walk you out."

Kim shook him off, "I'm fine. I'm a big girl. You stay."

"Let me walk you out, Kim. I insist." Adam ushered her towards the door.

"They leaving..." Jay pointed towards the door, "are they together?"

"Not sure, but I sure as hell hope so."

"So?" Kevin questioned when Adam finally returned.

Adam grabbed his beer, "So..what?"

"You and Burgess" Jay cut right to the chase, "you two a thing?"

"Friends. We are friends." Adam retorted. He was playing this close to the vest, he and Kim had both decided it was the best course of action. They had enough shit to sort through as it was, they certainly didn't need their friends involved no matter how well intentioned they were.

 ** _Please bare with me on this one, it's coming along at a snails pace much to my displeasure. It's going to take some time to make it all come together and it's going to require a bit of research on my end to keep it somewhat believable._**


	3. Chapter 3

What the hell was he thinking? It was the question he'd been asking himself for a good hour and a half now. Buying the house was a mixture of many different factors. He was over crashing on his father's couch, every apartment he had viewed had something he didn't like, or it was priced way beyond his means.

It had been an of the cuff remark by the realtor he was working with, she mentioned taking a look at a few houses that had just been put on the market. So he went with her one day just to look. It just so happened to coincide with the monthly foreclosure report.

They ended up checking one of the properties out, and he was hooked. He could see the potential the house had and he jumped on it. It was a bit impulsive on his part, but he needed the distraction. He loved the idea of fixing it from the foundation upwards, he knew it wasn't the only thing that needed to be fixed. Even a blind man could see the parallels between his house and his relationship. If he was being honest with himself he'd cop to the real reason why he purchased a house, it was Kim. Everything always came back to her. He had high hopes, he hoped one day this would be their home.

His and Kim's.

Now standing in the middle of his living room he had doubts. It was awful, he had declined an inspection on the house. It needed work, he didn't need an inspection to tell him that. It also saved him a few bills by forgoing it.

Clearly he would need all the money he could get his hands on.

The house would need to be gutted, it was disastrous. The walls were filled with holes, the flooring was disgusting. He would be ripping up every carpet in the house, it stunk to high heaven of piss.

The framework was there though, he could see it. Much like his relationship with Kim, the love was there, he had felt it last night. He had always felt it, even when she had left him he couldn't shake her.

His house needed work, but even in its current state he could see his home. Sure, he needed to replace more than a few walls, the carpets, the windows, and replace the roof. It had potential to be a great home, he just needed to do the work.

His relationship with Kim was similar, the love was there. They just needed to do the work.

Kim grabbed the door, "Come on in...what's up?" She had already turned her back on her sister and niece and returned to her bedroom. She heard Zoe ask for something to eat, and Nicole directed her to the kitchen.

Kim had spent the morning agonizing over what to wear, her bedroom a clear indicator of that. Clothes were strewn all over her bed, and every single pair of shoes she owned had been tossed about the room.

Nicole was amazed, "What the hell?" Her sister was an absolute neat freak and it bordered on obnoxious. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes. I am." Kim plopped down on the bed, "If I ever figure out what to wear." She pulled the hair tie from her wrist, she pulled her hair into a ponytail, "Is everything okay? I didn't think I'd see you this weekend."

"Where are you going?"

Kim knew it was pointless to keep it from her sister, "To see Adam. He bought a house, I'm going over to see it." She could see the gleam in her sister's eyes, "Please don't go there. Please don't tell mom, either."

Nicole held her hands up, "Fine. I won't. I'm glad though. I want you to be happy again, I think Adam will do that. A house? Wow."

"Don't get excited. I'm pretty sure it's just one step above being condemned. It was a foreclosure and he's doing all the work."

"That's great." Nicole nudged Kim lightly, "This is great. I will figure something else out."

"What?"

"I need someone to keep Zoe. She was supposed to spend the weekend with her father but he's cancelled. I've got a group retreat this weekend." She had initially rejected the suggestion of the going to group therapy but it had been amazing. She had found herself in the company of women who had survived sexual assault and it had empowered her. She had become close with a few of the women and she was looking forward to a weekend away from the reality of it all. "I will call Mom."

Zoe had appeared in the door way, "No, not nana." She whined, "Its boring at Nana's, Mom. She doesn't even have wifi. It's awful, please don't make me go to her house. I wanna stay with Aunt Kim."

"Aunt Kim has plans." Nicole took hold of her daughter's hand, "You'll survive without wifi for a few days."

"She can stay Nic. No worries. Don't make her go to mom's." Kim smiled, "Mom's house is boring. I will cancel."

"No you won't, Kim. Don't let Adam get away. I will figure something out."

"Adam? Do you mean Uncle Adam?" Zoe's face lit up, "Seriously? Is he your boyfriend again, please say he is. He's the best."

"Calm down sweetie. We are talking again. I'm supposed to go see his house today. Do you think you'd like to come with me?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Zoe jumped up and down, "I haven't seen him in forever. This is awesome!" She hugged Kim.

"Are you sure?" Nicole asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Go on and have fun, I've got Zoe covered." Kim hugged her sister.

"Thank you" Nicole kissed her cheek, "don't over think it Kim, it's just Adam."

Kim laughed, "Just Adam. Yep, just the man whose heart I ripped out of his chest and stomped on it in the middle of a courtroom. Yep, just Adam." She felt herself begin to spiral, her knees buckled and she dropped down on the bed.

"Zoe, go grab your bag from the car. I need to talk to Aunt Kim." Nicole could see her little sister was just mere seconds away from a full blown hyperventilating panic attack. She waited for Zoe to no longer be in ear shot, "Kim, honey. Adam loves you. After all of that mess, he still loves you. You've got a lot of work ahead of you. The both of you do. I have faith though. Take it one day at a time, shit take it one moment at a time. Don't put any undue pressure on yourself. Just take it as it comes."

Kim felt her breathing being to slow, "You're so wise." She leaned into Nicole a bit, "I want this to work. I want Adam and I to work."

"Me too. I know how happy he makes you. You're happier than I have seen in a long time. Adam makes you happy, and you make him happy. Everything will fall into place." She wrapped her arm around her shoulder, "I owe Adam an apology. I'd like to do that face to face. When you're ready I'd like to have you both over for dinner."

Kim wiped a few tears away, "He'd like that. I told him..." she paused, "I told him that you hated him. That day you stopped by the district. He was shocked. Adam swears he's lovable. He couldn't wrap his head around some one not liking him." She chuckled, "he's pretty fucking lovable you know."

"I do." Nicole nodded, "He's a good man. I shouldn't have judged him so harshly."

Kim had to take responsibility for her actions, "that's my fault. I was so heartbroken and angry. I placed everything at his feet..when I should't have..."

"He's not blameless." Nicole checked her phone, "We will deal with all of that another time. I need to head out. Take care of my baby. I will call you later to check in."

Deciding where to start first had been the hardest part, but once he had done that he hit a groove. Now, just a few hours later he hade made some progress. The house had an open floor plan, the living room and dining room were one large room. The kitchen was right off the dining room, a small bar separating the rooms. He assumed at one point there had been a few bar stools, it served as a great place to sit and grab a quick meal or talk with whoever was cooking.

He loved that aspect of the house, the fact that it was so open was appealing to him. He had grown up in a house that was the complete opposite, not only in the floor plan of the house but in his family as well. Every room in his childhood home was closed off with a door, it was always so dark and gloomy in his house. Though, even if the house was open like this one it wouldn't have made a difference his parents weren't much for talking. They rarely talked to each other and if they did talk it was yelling at each other. Occasionally they'd speak to him but it was few and far between, that had lasted until he was about eleven and then they finally divorced and he bounced between their houses. He hated that time in his life, he had always felt like a pawn in some sick twisted game.

Things settled down when his father remarried, and Adam made the colossal mistake of caring for his step-mother. His mother hated him for it, and she made sure he knew it. It didn't matter though, his step-mother was gone before he hit thirteen. After that it was an endless parade of women, and he rarely bothered to learn their names. It was pointless they never lasted long.

His mother never forgave him for what she viewed as a betrayal, it had been the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. He rarely spoke to her now, aside from a phone call every Mother's Day. He'd get the occasional birthday card, and sometimes he considered washing his hands of her but he couldn't do it.

She was still his mother, and he wasn't a complete dick.

It had left him jaded for a long time, until he met Kim.

Meeting Kim was eye opening for him. It was like those videos that went viral, the color blind person being surprised with the glasses that allowed them to see all of the colors around them. Seeing the clear blue sky, the bright yellow sun, and the beauty of a green grass, that was Kim. Before Kim, the world was just shades of darkness and light. At the time he didn't realize he wasn't seeing the world as it was meant to be, he didn't know he was missing anything.

That all changed the day he met Kim.

That had thrown him for a loop, he had never met someone quite like her and he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She was the little thing who was ready to take on the world. She backed down to no one, she was confident and her smile made him weak at the knees. He sought her out, he helped her pull one over on Platt. He wanted to be near her, he had been amazed by her strength. She was a badass, and the nicest most genuine person he had ever encountered. He was falling for her and fast, all while being engaged to Wendy.

That was a hard pill to swallow and he hated himself for it. He was no better than his pops who didn't seem to care about the wedding ring on his finger. He hated that, so he pulled back from her. He hated the look of pain in Kim's eyes that morning he told her that he was going to make it work with Wendy. Only for Wendy to end their engagement, and he was a coward. She had done the very thing he couldn't bring himself to do.

It all seemed to fall into place for him after that, and he was the happiest he had ever been. Until it all started to spiral out of control. He had spent a good portion of his life chasing happiness, chasing normalcy. He had envied the kids he grew up with, the ones who had the perfect family, he had longed for that.

He proposed to a summer fling, hoping she would give that to him. Only for it to fizzle out as quickly as it had come on. Then he met Wendy and he felt it was the logical next step, how wrong he had been.

Kim had found out about that summer fling and he felt the walls begin to close in. He was scared shitless, he was losing her. With each passing day he felt her slipping away, and he panicked. It was inevitable she was going to leave him, everyone left him. No matter how much he cared for them, they always left. So he took a step back. If Kim pulled, he pushed.

He fucked up.

He lost her, and his world lost color again.

He hated it.

He licked his wounds and kept his head down he did his job and kept his distance from Kim. As time went on it was easier to be around her, and then she was promoted at all of it was shot to shit and he ran as fast and as far away as he could.

Looking back on it now, it was exactly what he needed. He would have handled it differently no doubt, but it was what he needed. Being away from it all allowed him to put things in perspective, and it forced him to take a good look in the mirror. He could no longer place all the blame on Kim.

"Can I ask you something Aunt Kim." Zoe asked from the passenger seat, "about you and Uncle Adam.." she stopped mid-sentence, clearly contemplating something, "Can I still call him uncle?"

Kim glanced at her niece briefly before returning her focus to the road, "Of course, I'm sure Adam won't mind."

"Good. That's not my question though" she played with the straw in her drink, "Does he still love you? Did you fall out of love, like my mom and dad did. Do all grown ups fall out of love? I hate it, it sucks. My mom and dad hate each other, and it makes me sad."

Well if that didn't break her heart, she reached across the seat and gave her thigh a squeeze, "They love you though, never doubt that. I don't think they hate each other, Zo it's just been rough for them."

"Then mom got attacked, why would someone hurt mom like that? Why did those men hurt mom like that? Mom is a good person. She didn't deserve to be hurt." A tear slid down her cheek.

Kim pulled off to the shoulder, "Zoe, this world has some ugly people in it, people that are monsters. I don't know why, it just does. I need you to know that they're in the minority. Most people are good and kind. I don't want you to be scared, okay? Not all men are like those monsters that attacked your mom, okay? They're are great men in the world."

"Like Dad?" Zoe asked.

Kim nodded, "Yes. Like your dad." While Kim didn't care for her once brother in law, he was still Zoe's dad and despite all of his faults, he was a good father. She wasn't about to dog him to Zoe.

"Uncle Adam too?"

Kim couldn't keep the smile off her face, "Yes. Uncle Adam too. He's a really good man. He loves you, you know."

"I love him too. I'm glad he's your boyfriend again"

"Zoe..."

"He's a _boy_ and he's your _friend_ Aunt Kim, so he's your _boyfriend_." She grinned from ear to ear, clearly proud of herself for finding a loophole of sorts, "He's your boyfriend. I just know it."

He grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler, his throat felt like sand paper and he was hot as hell. He had pulled up the carpets from the living room and most of the hallway leading to the bedrooms. The house had three bedrooms, though calling the smallest of the three bedrooms a bedroom was being generous. You could barely fit a twin bed and dresser in the room, but it would work as a place for someone to crash if the need arose. The master bedroom was a nice size and included a bathroom and a large walk in closet. Surprisingly out of the entire house the master bedroom was in outstanding condition though it would need new flooring. He had already decided on wood flooring throughout the house with the odd area rug thrown in.

The next step was add central air throughout the house, there was no way he'd survive the entire summer with out it. Chicago had some seriously hot summers and air conditioning was well worth the money.

He grabbed a towel from the floor and wiped the sweat from his brow before tossing it on the floor. He had already dragged most of the carpet to curb, only the hallway carpeted remained, he began to roll it up when he heard someone at the door.

"This is uncle Adam's house? It's old and gross" Zoe shuddered as they waited for the door to open, "it's not very nice at all."

Kim couldn't argue with the pre-teen, it was old and needed a lot of work, "Well, Adam likes it. He will fix it up."

"It's gonna take him forever." Zoe remarked as she looked around the porch, "I guess this is nice though."

The wrap around porch was in surprisingly good shape, sure it could use a new coat of paint but over all it was it good shape.

"Hey.." Adam smiled as he opened the door, "I wasn't sure you'd come." Adam welcomed her inside, "Zoe!" He was shocked to see her.

"Hi! Uncle Adam" Zoe smiled, blushing as Adam hugged her, "You're sweaty.."

Adam laughed, "Sorry about that. It's hot, I've been busy" he grabbed his shirt from the counter and slipped it on, an action that disappointed Kim just a little bit. Adam could tell as much by the look on her face, "Come on in. You'll have to excuse the mess."

"This place smells nasty" Zoe blurted out, as she grabbed ahold of her nose pinching her nostrils closed.

"Zoe!" Kim scolded her.

Adam waved her off, "She ain't lying, it reeks of piss. It must have been soaked into the carpeting. That's why I ripped it up." He ran his hands down his jeans, "I've been at it all morning, I think I'm nose blind now." He laughed nervously, "You want the grand tour?"

"I do!" Zoe was on his heels in an instant, "are you gonna fix it up by yourself Uncle Adam?"

He was still coming to terms with the fact that she was calling him 'uncle', "That's the plan. You wanna help?"

"For real? I can?"

"Sure, I need all the help I can get." He handed her a broom and dust pan, "Here. Could you sweep up all the scraps of carpeting for me?"

"I can." She eagerly took the broom from him and got to work.

Kim smirked, "Ah. I see why you invited me over. You need cheap labor." She rolled her eyes.

"Maybe." Adam leaned against the kitchen counter, "Maybe not. I'm glad you came. If you decide to help..well that's up to you." He pushed off the counter and grabbed his work gloves, "could be a free meal in it for you..if you decide to help." He winked at her as he went off to help Zoe.

Zoe leaned the broom against the wall and sat down on the five gallon bucket in the corner of the room. She'd been helping out for over and hour and sat to catch her breath. She watched Adam intently as he worked under the kitchen sink, "Uncle Adam?"

"Yeah?" His response muffled a bit, "what's up?"

"Do you love Aunt Kim?" Zoe moved from the bucket to sit on the floor next to Adam's legs.

He felt his heart stop at her question, he finished what he was working on and slid out, "Its complicated, Zoe. A lot has happened between your and aunt and me." Fuck yes he still loved her aunt, but he wasn't about to tell her.

"I know." Zoe replied, biting the corner of her bottom lip, "my mom says that all the time. She says sometimes love isn't enough. That sometimes people stop loving each other."

Adam wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, "They will never stop loving you though. You know that, right?" He felt her nod her head, "I don't know what will happen between me and your aunt, just know that I love you Zoe. I think you're a cool ass kid, and I'm glad you're here." He kissed the top of her head, "Now, get back to work."

Kim had moved to the main bathroom, there was nothing she hated more than a dirty bathroom. Strangely enough she loved cleaning, something about taking something as filthy as that bathroom and getting it clean left her feeling accomplished.

So that was what she had done, she had used an entire bottle of cleaning solution and it was finally starting to appear clean. The grout would need bleaching, and the fixtures replaced but she was making progress.

All of that stopped the minute she heard the first frantic screams.

 ** _Well? Thanks for reading, the faves, follows, and comments! They're appreciated!_**


	4. Chapter 4

It was a scream that would make your blood run cold, a thousand different images flashed through her head as she rounded the corner and found her niece and Adam.

Of the thousand scenarios she envisioned, none of them came close to what she had stumbled upon.

Adam's face was white as a sheet and he held Zoe at bay with a broom, "Aunt Kim! Uncle Adam is a baby. He's afraid of an itsy bitsy teeny weenie spider!" She was giggling hysterically as she cradled the tiny insect in her hand. "It's so small!"

"Zoe! I mean it..." Adam took a few steps backwards, "Zoe..don't come any closer!"

Kim stifled her laughter as best she could, "Zoe, be nice. Don't tease Adam." The last few words swallowed by her giggles.

"This isn't funny." Adam grumbled, "It's huge."

Zoe held it out for Kim to inspect, "Not it's not. Look Aunt Kim, it's super small" she held it in the center of her palm, running her finger lightly over its back, "its super friendly. I think you scared her when you screamed, it's okay sweet spider. Uncle Adam won't hurt you."

"I thought something was wrong." Kim announced hands on her hips, "You scared me half to death Adam."

"Something was wrong, Kim." Adam retorted, "Very wrong. That monster was on my hand, it was terrifying. It came out of nowhere." He still felt as if his skin was crawling, "I nearly puked...then your niece had the balls to pick it up.."

"Adam!"

"It's okay, Aunt Kim, I've heard that before. The boys at school always talk about their balls. It's gross." She shuddered.

"Let's not tease uncle Adam, it's not very nice." Kim ignored her niece's comment, "Let me see that monster of a spider." Kim held her hand out to her niece and allowed the spider to crawl into her hand.

"Seriously? You're holding it now? I want it gone." Adam backed away from Kim, who crept closer to him.

"Kim..I mean it..." Adam found himself backed into a corner, "Come on.."

"It's so tiny, Adam. It's a cute little thing" Kim laughed.

"Alright." Adam rolled his eyes, "have a good laugh at my expense." He pointed to the back door, "get it out of here, kill it please."

Kim guffawed, "I will not kill it. It's an innocent spider. Why should it have to die because you're a baby?"

"Fine!" Adam huffed, "release it out back."

Kim handed it to her niece, "Go release it in the back yard."

"Oh..alright" Zoe whined.

Adam put the broom down, "You enjoyed that, didn't you?" He folded his arms across his chest, "it still creeps me out that you'll hold those little fuckers."

"I did enjoy that, sorry." Kim leaned into his side a bit, "mostly I enjoyed hearing Zoe laugh, it's been a while."

Adam turned to face her, "Good. It was nice to see you laugh as well, even if you were laughing at me."

Kim pulled the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth, "Today has been nice..really nice."

Adam inched closer to her, "It has." He leaned in closer.

She could feel his breath on her cheek and her heart began to race, her eyes darting between his eyes and lips.

"Aunt Kim!" Zoe called out.

The moment was gone.

"Yea?" Kim answered, doing her best to keep the frustration out of her voice. "What is it?"

"I'm starving, can we get something to eat?" Zoe asked as she jumped up on the counter, "pizza maybe?"

Adam cleared his throat, "How about we go grab some burgers? My treat. It's the least I can do after you two spent your Saturday helping me."

"Can we?" Zoe turned to Kim.

"Of course."

Dinner had been perfect, Zoe talked non-stop and seemed to hang on Adam's every word. It was a nice change of pace, Zoe had taken the divorce and Nicole's assault hard and hadn't smiled much as of late.

Adam seemed to have planted a permanent smile on her niece's face, though she knew how easy it was to smile in Adam's presence. He had a way about him, that just made you smile.

They ended the night with a hug and a promise to Zoe that she'd see Adam again soon.

While Kim had a different plan for how her day with Adam would have gone she couldn't complain about how their day actually went. Zoe was a bit of buffer between the two, not that they actually needed one but she had taken the some of the pressure off and removed any expectations they might've had.

Kim had just drifted to sleep when her phone began buzzing on her nightstand, she blindly reached out for it.

' _Today was amazing...let's do it again soon. How about tomorrow?'_

She sent off a quick reply.

' _Absolutely. Come to my place, I'll cook breakfast'_

Adam rested his arm on his forehead, 'French toast and bacon?'

' _I think that can be arranged'_

 _'Can't wait. Good night'_

Kim pounded on the door of her guest bedroom, she knew Zoe would sleep all morning if she allowed her to.

"Wake up, Z!" Kim knocked on the door quickly before swinging it open.

Zoe groaned as she buried her head under the pillow, "I'm sleepy."

"Of course you are, you wouldn't be so sleepy if you went to bed before midnight." Kim sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the pillow away, "Get up, and get showered. Adam is coming for breakfast."

Zoe had never moved quite so fast, "He is?" She bolted upright in bed, nearly knocking Kim to the floor in the process. Yep, she was excited.

"He is." Kim laughed, perhaps she should've started with that, "He will be here in about an hour or so. Get moving."

Adam hit up the florist on the drive over, selecting a vase full of daisies, Kim's favorite flowers. As he made his way to the register he noticed a teddy bear adorned in a Chicago Cubs jersey, he grabbed it for Zoe.

He had already plugged Kim's new address into his GPS, it was about a half hour from his house and about forty minutes from the 21st. Mind you, that all depended on the traffic. What should only take thirty minutes could take well over an hour, and it wasn't unheard for it to take even longer. Though he didn't care, he would gladly drive an hour plus, he was thrilled she had a new place. He wasn't sure his stomach or heart could bare to step foot in her old place, knowing that _he_ had also been there.

As he pulled up in front of the house he wasn't surprised that she had fallen in love with it. She had rattled on about it for ages yesterday and he could see why. It was beautiful, the complete opposite of his place.

He took the steps two at a time, and as his hand hovered over the door to knock it sprung open.

"Uncle Adam!" Zoe squealed as she threw her arms around his waist, "You're here! We're making French toast"

He dipped his head to kiss the top of her head, "Smells great. This is for you. He wouldn't let me leave without buying him. He's a bossy little bear."

Zoe clutched it to her chest, "He's so cute! Thank you."

She took off down the hall.

Kim smiled, "She's just a little excited you're here." Kim stood on her toes and looped her arms around his neck, "I am too."

"Aw, shucks" Adam teased, "Here."

Kim took the case from him, "They're beautiful. You didn't have to."

"Yes I did." Adam countered, "I couldn't show up empty handed. This place is gorgeous, Kim." He was admiring the intricate woodwork of the railing leading upstairs, "Its old, but in fantastic shape."

"The owners have taken great care of it." Kim explained, "I'm actually subletting, the actual tenants are on a sabbatical."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Kim shrugged, "They're an older couple, both well established professors at DePaul."

"Nice." Adam leaned against the island in the center of the kitchen, "What can I do?"

"Nothing. I'm almost done."

Breakfast was a success.

Kim couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much. It was pretty adorable to watch Zoe fawn over Adam. It was blatantly obvious that Zoe was crushing on Adam, it was sweet how she and Adam interacted.

They were now deep in the throes of a Star Wars marathon, Kim would rather sit through a root canal than watch those movies but she couldn't take her eyes off Adam and her niece.

Nicole tossed her keys in the bowl, she slipped her shoes off, "Hey, Zoe..Kim?" She called out, she moved to put her shoes in the mud room and spotted the familiar sneakers.

Adam was here.

"Zoe.." Kim nudged her sleeping niece, the girl wrapped in Adam's arms on the couch. The pair had drifted off to sleep during the second movie, and it warmed Kim's heart, she didn't have it in her to wake them up and had it not been for Nicole showing up she wouldn't have.

"Huh?" Zoe grumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, "I fell asleep?"

"You did." She held her hand out to help her up, "Adam did too. Your mom's here."

"Hey, baby" Nicole whispered holding her arms out for Zoe, "I missed you."

Zoe reciprocated the hug, "I missed you too, but I had a lot of fun with Aunt Kim and Uncle Adam"

"Uncle Adam, huh?" Nicole stroked Zoe's cheek, "I'm glad you had fun. Go gather your things, we need to get home."

"But..." Zoe whined, Nicole cut her off pretty quickly.

"Go, on. We need to get home." Nicole motioned towards the stairs, "go upstairs and pack up."

Kim led Nicole from the living room, "How was it?"

"It was great. Don't think I don't know what you're doing" Nicole teased, "Since I'm the nice sister, you'll get a pass for today. When we meet up for dinner this week, I want to hear it all. Though, I'm sure Zoe will have plenty to say."

Kim smiled, "It was a good weekend. A really good weekend."

"Good!"

As his eyes opened, he was a bit surprised that the room was quiet. It took him a minute or two to gather his bearings. He sat up and ran his hands over his face, "What time is it?"

Kim checked her cellphone, "Almost eight. I didn't have the heart to wake you." She pulled her legs underneath her, "Good sleep?"

He ran his hand over the back of his neck, "Yes. Really good." He looked around the room, "Where's Zoe?"

"My sister picked her up about an hour ago. You slept through it all." She set her phone on the end table, "Zoe was cute, she kissed your forehead. Just like you did to her. I think she's got a crush."

"That's cute." Adam stretched his arms above his head, "I'm sorry I missed your sister. Though I'm not sure I'm back in her good graces yet."

"Stop. You are, Adam. Thank you for this weekend. Zoe loved every minute she spent with you. She hasn't been this happy in a long time."

Adam got up from the couch he was on and moved to sit next to her, "I'm glad I could help."

"I had a great weekend too, I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. I've missed you..I've missed this. Just being with you." Kim grabbed the throw pillow and clutched it to her chest.

Adam closed the distance between them, "I had an amazing time." He reached up, tilting her chin up to look him in the eye, "I've missed you..." he placed a light kiss on her lips, "so much..." he ran his thumb over her bottom lip, "I gotta go..."

Kim followed him to the door, "Drive safely."

Adam winked at her, "Always."

She waited until his truck was out of sight before locking up. The kiss was all too brief but it had her heart racing.

It was a mere peck on the lips but it had been perfect.

It left her wanting more, so much more.


	5. Chapter 5

He'd been in the house for just over two months now and it was finally coming together. The kitchen was finally finished along with both bathrooms, a fresh coat of paint was all that was needed. He had decided early on that he'd do all the painting at once, it was his least favorite part of renovating a house and he was going to put it off as long as he could.

The bedrooms didn't need a ton of work, most of it was cosmetic. He had to patch quite a few holes, and replaced the doors and windows. The flooring was laid just the previous weekend, he had a friend in the business who had helped him lay oak floors and did it at cost.

He had contracted a guy to replace the roof, he had attempted it but quickly discovered that spiders weren't his only irrational fear. He wasn't much of a fan of heights either.

He filled his mug to the brim and carefully carried it outside to the porch, his favorite place in the house. He was never one to just sit outside and watch the world go by but over the last few weeks that was exactly what he did, and he did it with Kim by his side.

He'd sit on the top step and she'd sit on the next step down between his legs.

He was in heaven those nights.

The house across the street had a couple of kids, and they'd often watch as the kids ran through the sprinkler or played a game of two hand touch in the front yard. Other nights they sat in silence, just happy to be in each other's presence.

There had been plenty of stolen kisses, many times one of them had to slam on the breaks and get their wits about them. As much as they wanted to be with each other they had both decided to take it slow.

They had it out one night, it was supposed to be a calm rational conversation about what had gone wrong between them. They had to discuss it if they had any hopes of making their relationship work.

They had to lay it all out, and they did just that.

Adam had been the first to lose it, hearing about all the shit Roman had put in Kim's head had hurt him. He had once thought of Roman as a buddy, inviting him out for drinks with the boys and welcoming him into his home and their inner circle of friends. All the while he was working Kim, trashing him to her.

All in an effort to get in her pants.

The push test just about pushed Adam over the edge and he lost it. He put his fist through the nearly repaired living room wall and was furious.

Kim went back at him, it was ugly.

It was needed.

They discussed a lot that night, their insecurities and their fears. They realize they each had their cross to bear, and that neither one was blameless. They talked ad nauseam about it, and decided that if they were going to give their relationship another shot they needed to leave all of that in the past. So that was what they had done, they washed their hands of it.

Of all of it.

Of the guilt and the anger, it was water under the bridge.

They did decide to take things slowly, that just jumping in to bed wasn't the way to go, despite how badly they both wanted it.

It wasn't easy, Adam had to take more than a few cold showers, ice fucking cold showers. He had rubbed more than a few out while the ice cold water cascaded down his back. He felt like a kid again, jerking off in the shower. It wasn't his finest moment, but he had a serious case of blue balls, he needed to take care of it.

Though, he had been incredibly a few nights ago when Kim had slipped her hand inside his jeans and had given him a hando. He thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was a double edged sword and left him wanting more. He had to be a gentleman and return the favor. That night they had been dangerously close to losing control, she practically pushed him out the door.

He wasn't sure how much longer they could go without sex, they were straddling a very thin line. It seemed to growing thinner with each passing moment.

Adam groaned as he tried to work the kinks out of his neck, he had slept like shit and wasn't looking forward to tearing apart the porch. The only upside was he'd get out of his head for a bit. The physical labor would be a nice distraction, though he could do without the blazing heat.

Thankfully Kevin had agreed to come over and help out, and while he appreciated it immensely. It had its drawbacks, he and Kim had decided to keep their relationship status on the DL. They wanted to get their feet beneath them before they went public especially with the massive fallout from Erin and Jay's break up. That had been interesting to say the least, none of them knew the details behind it. They didn't want to know either but it was strange as hell that Erin seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth.

Kim had made numerous calls to her, but Erin never returned them.

Truthfully Adam didn't give two shits what was going on with Erin, she seemed to attract drama like bees to honey, a lot of the tension in the bullpen had left when Erin left.

He did feel for his buddy though, he knew what it felt like to have your heartbroken, he hated it for Kim as well. The pair had grown friendly and he knew Kim was worried about her.

He heard the familiar roar of Atwater's sports car as it made its way down the street. He downed what was left of his coffee and met him at the end of the driveway.

Kim's ass had barely hit the passenger seat when the interrogation started, it was going to be a long drive home.

Zoe had been going to a STEM summer camp forma few years now, Nicole had made great strides since the attack. Traveling alone wasn't something that she was ready for willing to do just yet.

Kim had offered to drive Zoe, but Nicole insisted that she needed to go and Kim volunteered to ride shotgun.

"So.." Nicole was desperate for an update on how things were progressing with Adam. All she knew was that Kim and occasionally Zoe had spent a lot of time with Adam, Kim had been pretty tight lipped about it and Zoe didn't have much to offer either.

Clearly they were playing this close to the vest.

"So." Kim replied refusing to look at her sister.

"So? So are you going to tell me..or do I need to drag it out of you. You know I will, let's just get on with it." Nicole briefly took her eyes off the road to glance at her sister, "It's a long drive, Kim. Eventually you'll talk."

Kim kept her eyes trained on the passing landscape, biting the inside of her cheek a bit to keep from smiling.

"I can tell something is up just by the way you're behaving. I'm a mom, Kim, I know you're hiding something," Nicole laughed, "Come on, spill it."

Kim finally looked at her sister, "Adam and I are giving it another go. Please don't make a big deal about it, and please don't tell mom. Not yet."

Nicole looked like the cat that had eaten the canary, "I knew it! That's wonderful news Kim. I'm so happy for you both. Tell me more."

Kim rolled her eyes, "There's nothing to tell, not yet anyway. We're taking it slow, painfully slow" she laughed, "we think it's best."

"You talked? About the break-up?" Nicole asked. "About that asshole?"

"We did. It wasn't a fun conversation. We agreed to leave it in the past." Kim explained, "Its water under the bridge, and we didn't want to keep talking about it. We both made mistakes, me especially"

"Let it go, Kim." Nicole knew her sister all too well, "Don't obsess over it."

"I'm not...well, I'm not anymore." Kim checked her phone, a grin filling her face.

"Adam?" Nicole asked.

"Yeah. He wanted to know if I was planning on coming over. I will tell him I'm busy."

"You will do no such thing. You're going. I will be fine." Nicole scoffed. "You've put your life on hold long enough, go see Adam."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Go." Nicole laughed. "Go see Adam and have fun."

"You should come man, it's ladies night." Kevin kicked his feet up on the newly installed railing, it had taken them most of the day but it was finally finished. "Jay's coming, his brother too."

Adam downed what was left of his water, "Nah. I'm beat, gonna stay in tonight."

"Ruz, you haven't been out with us in a long time." Kevin whined.

The look on Atwater's face was pathetic and Adam couldn't hide his amusement, "Don't whine man. You're a little big to be doing that. I'm shot man, plus I'm saving money wherever I can. Gonna put a pool in the backyard."

"A pool?" Kevin tossed his empty bottle into the recycle bin.

"Yeah a pool. It's hot as hell in the summer and it'll be nice to jump in after a long day chasing assholes"

"Whatever man, I can think of a better way to spend money. Get you one of those little plastic pools. That'll cool your skinny ass off." Kevin grabbed his wallet and keys, "I need to get cleaned up for the ladies. Enjoy your quiet night grandpa" he hugged Adam on his way out.

"You're so funny man." Adam laughed, if Kevin only knew what he actually had planned for the night.

He wouldn't be breaking his balls if he knew Kim was coming over. They had contemplated cluing Kevin in, but they didn't trust him to keep it quiet.

Adam jumped up when he heard the doorbell, "Hey..." he pulled her in by the hand, "I missed you." He leaned in for a quick kiss.

"I missed you too." Kim wiped a smidgen of lipstick from Adam's lips, "Just a heads up, I told Nicole about us. She's happy."

Adam bobbed his head up and down, "Good. Good. That just leaves your mom."

"Well, she promised to keep it quiet, she's not telling a soul. My mom doesn't hate you Adam, she's just...different. Anyway, the porch looks great."

"Thanks. Atwater helped. I won't lie I missed my little helper. She get off to camp okay?" He joined Kim on the couch, "I gotta say, it's a little weird that a kid would want to go to school in the summer."

Kim settled into his side, resting her hand on his thigh, "Its not school. It's an enrichment camp. Zoe loves it, she goes every summer. I think she really needed it this summer. It's a good distraction, she's been through so much."

Adam shrugged, "She's a great kid. I'm gonna miss her. How long is she gone?"

"A month."

"Damn." Adam blew out a breath, "Alright, I'm starving. Should we go out or get something delivered?"

Kim mulled it over, "Delivered. It's a gorgeous night, we can sit outside and eat." She turned to face him, "I just wanna hang out with you."

"That was good eatin', darlin'. Definitely a go to from now on." Adam tossed his napkin on the plate, "This is nice. Just you and me."

"Mmm.." Kim hummed as she spread out on the bench, dropping her feet in Adam's lap. "I think we're about to have some visitors." She pointed to the two little boys who had made their way across the street and up Adam's walkway. "Your buddies are here."

Adam sighed heavily, "Sorry."

"Don't be. It's kind of cute." She pulled her feet from his lap as the two boys inched closer.

Jackson and Jacob were eight and six and had quickly latched on to Adam, he could often be found playing some game or another in the yard with them, it almost always included a ball.

"Hey fellas" Adam exchanged a fist bump with the pair, "What's up?" He could feel Kim's hand move to his back.

"Wanna play football? We got a new ball and dad's at work." Jackson the older of the two boys asked.

"I can't tonight, my friend is here." Adam jerked his head in Kim's direction.

"Balls..." Jacob grumbled.

"Oh, Adam. Go play." Kim nudged him, "I will watch."

"Nun-huh" Jackson shook his head, "You can play. It'll be even that way. Two against two." He pointed out, "You can be on Adam's team, right Adam?"

"Oh, I don't know...I don't know how to play" Kim told them, "you boys play."

"Nope. You're playing" Adam laughed as he stood up, "you can be the quarterback, just throw it to me. You can do that, right?"

Kim couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard, her sides hurt from laughing. She was having a blast even if she and Adam were losing, a fact the boys enjoyed pointing out.

Adam handed her the ball, "Alright this it. Just throw me the ball and I will score." He turned and counted off before running to the make shift end zone.

Kim bounced on her toes and dodged Jacob as he ran towards her, she cocked her arm and launched the football as best she could.

Adam took a few steps towards the ball, perhaps a few steps too many. He doubled over and dropped to the ground instantly. He swore he saw stars and he gasped for air, writhing around in obvious pain and distress.

"Adam!" Kim shrieked as she raced over to him dropping down, "are you okay?" She pushed the hair from his eyes, "Adam..."

"You got him in the nuts...he can't talk yet. It hurts so bad getting hit in the nuts" Jackson wore a look of sympathy, "especially when it's a football..it hurts so bad. You'd understand if you had nuts." He looked at Kim as if she had three heads.

"I'm sorry!" Kim blushed a bit, the boys shook their heads in disgust she was positive she wasn't their favorite person at the moment, "I think the game is over guys. I think Adam is done for the night."

"Alright. Let's go Jacob. Bye Adam." They waved and took off for home.

Kim helped Adam to sit up, "Are you okay? I'm so sorry." She sat on her knees in front of him, her hands on his thighs.

He was focused on breathing, pulling in oxygen and slowly blowing it out the pain slowly subsiding, "You've...got...quite..the arm" he finally found his voice, "fuck that hurt." He still had a hold of himself, "shit..."

"I'm so sorry. Do you need ice?" She helped him to his feet.

Adam was still doubled over a bit as she helped him up the porch steps and into the house, "No ice. My balls have been traumatized enough for one night."

"I feel bad, Adam." Kim draped her arm around him, he was clearly still in some discomfort. "Tell me what I can do?"

Adam smirked, "I have a few ideas..."

Kim rolled her eyes at him, "I bet you do. Tell me..."

"Tell you?"

"Yeah." Kim carefully moved to straddle him, "Tell me what I can do..I feel awful.."

Adam grabbed a hold of her hips, "we could.." he kissed her neck, "have a little fun.." he kissed just behind her ear, "take it real slow..."

Kim ran her hands down his chest, "I'm over taking it slow Adam.." she lifted his shirt over his head, "I think.." she kissed her way down his chest, "I should make sure I didn't cause permanent damage..."

"I'm pretty sure it's all in working order" Adam laughed.

"Oh, it is." Kim whispered, "I can feel it.." she lowered herself into his lap, "I want you. All of you." She had slipped her hand in his shorts, "Now." She started to pull her hand away when Adam gripped her wrist.

"Don't." His voice was husky.

"You like?" She shifted in his lap as she slid her another hand in his shorts, "I guess this will work...I had other ideas..."

"Like?" Adam was finding conversation a bit difficult at the moment.

"I figured I owed you big time..that perhaps you'd need me to kiss it better." Kim whispered.

"Yes!" Adam released is hold on her hands, "fuck yes." He moved his hands to her neck, "that's not all I want though babe. I want you, I need you."

As their breathing finally returned to normal, Kim found her voice "I have missed you so much Adam, I will forever regret breaking your heart." She ran her hand across his chest, "I love you so much."

"I love you too, darlin'. Don't worry about that, it's over and done with." He kissed her head.

"I'm back in your arms, where I belong. Where I never should have left." She worked her leg in between his, "You're my home."


	6. Chapter 6

"We're being audited." Voight announced, "I need you to go over your paperwork for the last three cases, and make sure every fucking I is dotted and every T is crossed. Make sure you've got updated files on all of your CI's" this was not how he wanted to start the week.

"Got it." Halstead mumbled, he knew why this was happening. It was because of Erin. Voight had called in a few chits and made a few deals all to keep Erin out of trouble. It seemed he'd never be free of her, she had broken his heart and left him holding the pieces. Voight had taken the heat off Lindsay but had dropped the rest of the unit in it. Things had been tense since Erin's departure, they were all under a microscope IA was just waiting for someone to fuck up and then they'd pounce.

Adam kept his head down and his nose out of it, he'd witnessed enough closed door meetings between Halstead and Voight to know that he needed keep his mouth shut and just do what was asked of him.

He glanced up at Kim who just shrugged.

They had been inseparable since that night a few weeks ago and found it almost impossible to keep their hands to themselves. The days they were partnered together were the hardest, and it took all of their willpower to not have at it in the back of one of the unit's cars.

Thankfully Kim had a clear head, if it was left up to Adam they would've had sex in every square inch of the district by now. He was worse than a teenager sometimes, he was constantly copping a feel. Kim had to swat his hand away more than a few times, not that she was an innocent. They had gone out with the entire unit for dinner after closing a particularly hard case, and she sat opposite him. Halfway through the meal, and a glass or two of wine in she slipped off her shoe and ran her foot up his leg and settled it in his lap. Every so often she'd rub her foot against him, and she loved watching his reaction. He eventually grabbed a hold of her foot and flipped the script a bit, and mercilessly tickled the bottom of her foot. She had never been so mortified in her life when she couldn't keep herself from laughing and she suddenly found all eyes on her. That had been a fun night.

Adam warned her about playing with fire, that she may end up getting burnt, and that night she had.

They had been taken out of the rotation during the audit, with the knowledge that they could be called back in should something pop off. Once they handed over their files they were free to go.

Adam sat on the edge of Kim's desk, "You done yet?" He held the toy plane in his hands, "I figured we could grab an early dinner and maybe catch a movie."

Kim sighed heavily, "I can't. I need to start packing and find a new place. By the end of the month." The frustration she was feeling was evident in her tone.She had been crushed to get the call last night that the couple who she was renting from was returning early and she needed to be out before August 1. It left her with barely two weeks to pack up and clear out.

"What? Why?" He returned to plane to the desk, "they can't do that. Don't they have to give at least thirty days or something?"

"Guess not. I've already made some calls and I'm going to check out a few places tonight" she grabbed her purse, "Let's talk outside." They had somehow managed to keep their relationship quiet. The last thing she needed was someone overhearing them.

"That sucks. I'm sorry babe. I know you love that place." Adam had his hand on the small of her back. They could get away with the little touches, and he was thankful for that. It physically hurt somedays to be so close to her but unable to touch her like he wanted to. Like he needed to.

"I do love it. I knew I had to leave eventually, but I never thought it would be this soon." She sighed as they weaved through the parking lot, "My head is still spinning to be honest. I don't even know where to start. Do I look for places first? Or do I start packing? Heaven help me if we catch a case in the interim." She rattled on and on, already forming a mental checklist of all that she had to do.

"Take a breath Kim." Adam tapped her hand, "Move in with me."

Kim did a double take, "What?"

Adam leaned against her car, "You heard me. Move in with me."

"I don't know, Adam. It's a little early for that."

"No. No, it's not. Kim, I love you. I love the mornings I get to wake up beside you. I love that you're the last person I see before I go to sleep and the first face I see when I wake up. I'm serious Kim, I want you to move in with me."

"You know if I move in with you...what we've got going" she waved her head between them, "well, it won't be a secret anymore."

"Even better. I'm tired of pretending Kim. I want everyone to know we are together, I want to be able to kiss you when we're at Mollys or when we are heading out. Please, Kim move in with me."

She turned to face him, "Don't beg baby, it's not very attractive." She palmed his cheek, "Yes, I will move in with you. I'd love to wake up beside you every morning."

Adam leaned down and captured her lips in a fiery kiss.

"It's about fucking time!" Atwater clapped his hands together.

Adam laughed against Kim's lips, "What the hell Atwater.." he pulled back from Kim, "you spying on us?"

Kevin stuffed his hands in his pockets, "Nah. I'm just headed to my car and just happen to run into you two making out like a couple of horny teenagers. How long has _this_ been going on? Why didn't I know?"

Kim kept her arm wrapped around Adam's waist, "Its been a few weeks now, we didn't tell anyone. Only my sister knows. We wanted to keep it to ourselves, especially at work. After everything with Halstead and Lindsay we just thought it'd be wise to remain professional."

" _Professional_?" Atwater scoffed, "is _that_ what they're calling it these days? You two were getting pretty hot and heavy" he teased.

Kim buried her face in Adam's chest, "That was a celebratory kiss, man. Kim's moving in with me." Adam announced.

"For real?" A smile lit up Kevin's face. He had hoped his two best friends would find their way back to each other. "You have no idea how happy that makes me. Congratulations" he hugged them both.

"Thanks Kev."

"So, you'll help me move Kim in, right?" Adam asked.

"Ah. I see. You only told me so you can put me to work. I see how it is." Kevin deadpanned, "Of course man. Just say the word."

"Thank you, Kevin. We will feed you, I promise." Kim hugged him once more before he walked off.

"It's real now. Kevin knows, won't be long before he runs his mouth and the entire department knows" Adam laughed. "Let's head to your place, I will follow you."

"Sounds good." Kim dropped a quick kiss on his mouth before climbing in the driver's seat.

Adam had called Kevin later that night and asked him to not mention that he and Kim were back together or that she was moving in with him.

The last thing they wanted or needed was Voight hearing about from someone other than either him or Kim. They wanted to do the right thing by all parties, after a long discussion they were ready to face whatever consequences their relationship may cause.

Adam felt that he needed to be the one to tell Voight, he had seniority over Kim and he had been the one to go over Hank's head when Kim had been promoted upstairs.

He rested his hand on the knob of the door rarely was it closed. You never just walked into Voight's office. Even if the door was open , "Hey boss, do you have a minute?"

Hank dropped the report he was reading, "For you? I'm not sure a minute will be enough" he laughed, "come in, have a seat."

Adam felt his palms become slick with sweat, he felt like he was a kid again. "Umm." He stammered, "Alright, I'm just gonna say it..."

"Well say it..." Hank cut in, Ruzek was stammering and bouncing around in the chair, "what is it?"

Adam took a deep breath, "Kim is moving in with me, we're back together. I hope that won't be a problem, it won't be a problem for us. We can work together, I know what went down with Halstead and Lindsay..."

Hank held his hand up, "Stop talking. Take a breath." The words had just tumbled from Adam's mouth, "I knew."

Adam cocked his head to the side, "Come again?"

"I figured it out a few weeks ago. You and Kim. As long as things continue as is, it's fine with me. The second I see your relationship interfering with a case, we will make the necessary changes."

"How?" Adam was absolutely dumbfounded.

"I'm not an idiot, Ruzek. Nor am I blind. It was easy to see if one had their eyes open." He pushed up from his chair, "Anyway, I'm happy for you both. I wish you well." He held his hand out to Adam, "Ruzek, I meant what I said. Keep it professional."

"Absolutely boss."

"How's Kim's sister doing?" Hank asked.

"Good." Adam nodded, "She's made a lot of progress."

"Get out of here. It's quiet here, you and I know that won't last long." Voight shook his hand, "Its good to see you happy. I know I keep it professional with my team, but I do care about you guys outside of this building" he motioned to around the bullpen, "Take care."

Kim plopped down on Nicole's couch, "I need your help."

Nicole was flipping through a catalog, "With?" Her eyes glancing up from the page.

Kim grabbed the catalog, "Our mother. I'm moving in with Adam."

"Yes!" Nicole squealed with unadulterated joy, "Seriously? When? Why..I mean, what about your place?"

Kim laughed at her sister's reaction, "The people I'm subletting from are coming home early. Adam asked me to move in. That's the reason I'm here. I have to tell Mom and I don't think she will have quite the same reaction as you."

"Forget Mom. You know what she's like, Kim. Adam is a good man, a really good man. If she can't see that...it's on her, not you and certainly not Adam. I will talk to her."

Kim waved her hand frantically, "No. Don't do that. I need to tell her." She reached across to rub Nicole's leg, "I love that you're willing to stick up for Adam."

Nicole covered Kim's hand with her own, "It's the least I could do. You dropped everything to look after me and Zoe. Adam has been wonderful, especially towards Zoe. My God she thinks he walks on water. I love him Kim, he's amazing and I'm so glad you have him back in your life."

Kim wiped a few tears off her cheek, "Thank you. I am too. He's the best. I want Mom to accept him."

"I will go with you. I will make sure our lovely mother hears you out and that she understands that Adam is in your life, and that if she wants to remain in your life she will accept Adam."

"Ugh, I hope so." Kim grumbled. She knew she wasn't her mother's favorite, she had taken issue with Kim's decision to join the police force and she hated that she had been engaged to a fellow police officer. When Adam had blown off meeting her it had only exacerbated the issue, then the break up and her mother's dislike of Adam grew exponentially.

Once Kim had made up her mind to tell her mother about Adam there was no going back. She was comforted by Nicole's presence but it didn't calm her nerves at all. They had agreed to meet their mother at a restaurant, Kim's mind raced as she watched the door.

"Calm down, Kim. You know mom, she's at least ten minutes late. She'll be here." Nicole reached across the table. "I know you want mom's approval, but you don't need it. I had it, and look how that turned out."

Kim held the menu in her hands, "That doesn't help." She dropped the menu on the table, "She's never been happy with me, she's made that clear. I don't know why I let her in my head."

"She's our mother. That's why. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let her get to you."

"You can say that because you're the favorite. You've always been the favorite. You have it all." Kim could hear her mother's voice in her head, going on and on about how wonderful Nicole was. Nicole had it all, the perfect husband, home, daughter and career. Their mother fought Kim at every turn, Kim's best was never enough.

"Had. I had it all." Nicole corrected her, "That's not really true though, even before we split up. It was a facade, my marriage wasn't happy. It was over long before the divorce."

"Your house looks like a house now, Uncle Adam. It was kinda nasty before." Zoe commented as she sat at the bar, watching Adam as he prepared dinner. Though it didn't take much preparation on his part to get dinner going, frozen pizza was pretty effortless.

"Thanks kid." He chuckled, "It took a lot of work, but I think it's coming together. Hey, how was camp?"

"It was fun, but I missed my mom. I was worried about her. She doesn't like to alone at night."

Adam leaned on the bar, he bounced his index finger on her arm "I know. Your aunt Kim and I spent a lot of time with your mom. We made sure she was okay, and that she wasn't missing you too much."

"I know." Zoe grabbed a soda from the fridge, "Aunt Kim is gonna live here?"

Adam nodded, "She is."

"I heard her and my mom talking. My grandma doesn't like you." Zoe announced, "But Mom told Aunt Kim that grandma doesn't like a lot of people. I think Aunt Kim is worried though. That's why mom went with her tonight, isn't it?"

Adam felt the wind leave his sails a bit, he had a hunch Kim's mother didn't like him, and he knew he really only had himself to blame for that one. Blowing off that dinner wasn't his best moment, he had been a bit of an ass that night. While he and Kim had decided to put all of that behind him, he knew he'd have to own up to it with Kim's mother.

"Ah, Z. It's complicated. Your mom went with Aunt Kim to support her, your aunt is worried. I made some mistakes when it came to your grandma. Aunt Kim wanted to talk to her before I do."

Zoe sat in on her knees, "Aunt Kim made mistakes too. Mom says everyone makes mistakes. My dad made mistakes."

"He did, and you're right so did I." Adam took the stool next to her, "Your dad loves you, you know that right?"

"I do. You love Aunt Kim?"

"With all my heart." Adam smiled, "I love you too."

Zoe smiled from ear to ear, "I love you too Uncle Adam. I'm glad Aunt Kim is with you again."

Nicole nudged Kim, "Mom's here."

Kim took a deep breath, as her mother approached their table.

Catherine Stanford was a force to be reckoned with, she had reverted to her maiden name years ago. She wanted to distance herself from her ex-husband, her grown daughters her only tie to Jeffrey Burgess.

Once upon a time she had been a delicate flower, submissive to her husband. She had been at his beck and call, her only purpose in life was to serve him and fulfill his needs and desires.

She had given him two daughters, when all he wanted was sons. He had cursed her, and demanded they have more children and that was when she left him. The girls were teenagers then and, they struggled for a long time after that.

During their twenty year marriage she had lost herself, and when the girls grew up she set out to find herself. She returned to Minnesota where she had grown up, she had fallen off the face of the earth for a while. Both Nicole and Kim were adults and had their own lives, Nicole had checked in with her every few months and all seemed good. Kim and Catherine had never been close so it was no surprise that Kim did her thing, and Catherine did hers.

When she finally returned to Chicago she had changed. She was no longer a push over, she had gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. It was a total 180 and she had become rough around the edges and a bit too in your face for Kim's liking. So she kept her at an arms length, her mother's disapproval of her becoming a police officer only added to their already strained relationship. Her mother thought Nicole was the second coming, she sang her praises at every turn. Nicole had it all, all the things that Catherine had wanted, Nicole had them.

Catherine pulled the chair out, "Well, this is unexpected." She sat down heavily, "traffic in this city is just disgusting." She huffed, "I don't have long, what's this about?"

Nicole fought the urge to roll her eyes, "We thought it was time to get together it's been a long time." Her mother wasn't much for small talk and it had taken a lot to get her to even show up. The woman couldn't find the time to show up after Nicole was attacked.

Nicole had done this for Kim.

She didn't understand why Kim was so adamant that she tell their mother. Nicole could give two shits to what their mother thought. Kim had pointed out that it was easy for Nicole, she had always had their mother's approval.

Kim did not.

Not that she needed it though, but Nicole knew it was easy for her to wash her hands of her the mother, that wasn't for Kim, she couldn't begin to imagine what it was like for Kim. She was baffled by her mother's feelings towards Kim, she would do anything for Zoe.

At this point Nicole couldn't care less where their mother was concerned, Catherine had ducked out on them years ago. She would send the odd birthday present for Zoe but that was it.

Kim was wringing her napkin in her lap, "Mom, I asked Nicole to set this up. There's something I need to tell you." Her mother still made her nervous, she knew it was irrational that didn't need her mother's approval; but damn if she didn't want it.

"Really? We couldn't do this over the phone?" Catherine scoffed, "I had to cancel plans. You also know I hate driving at this time of day." She rambled.

"Mom!" Nicole retorted.

"It's fine Nicole." Kim rolled her eyes, " Adam and I are back together. I thought it would be best if you heard it from me."

"Adam? Adam Ruzek?" She was clearly disgusted, "Why on earth are you with that awful man? He's a womanizer." Her voice filled with disdain, "What? Did he happen to give you a second glance and now you're falling into his arms? I swear you are so weak, it's embarrassing Kim."

Nicole felt her face become hot and flushed, "He's not an awful man, Mom. He's a great guy, who loves Kim dearly and she loves him."

Kim pushed back from the table, her eyes brimming with tears. "This was a mistake. I don't know why I thought you deserved to hear it from me. I'm so done." She tossed her napkin down, "Its obvious that no matter what I do it will never be good enough for you. I'm done trying."

Nicole watched as Kim stormed off, "He's a good man, Mom. You'd know that if you had shown up months ago, Adam has been amazing for Zoe, for me and especially Kim. She's moving in with him, she's happy Mom. I wish you could be happy for her."

"Don't get worked up Nicole, you're better than that. You've always been the level headed on, leave the hysterics to your sister."

"I'm done." Nicole angrily pushed her chair in, "She's not the one who is weak, that's you. All this bravado..it's nothing but a charade. You run from your demons, that's all you do. Kim? She faces them head on, you could learn a thing or two from her.

"Say hello to my granddaughter"

The car ride back to Adam's house had been quiet, Kim kept her eyes focused on the scenery as it flashed by in a blur. All of her life she had longed to make her mother proud, only for her to have her mother huff or roll her eyes in disappointment. She had vivid memories of racing home from school with a report called filled with 'A's only for her mother to bemoan the fact that she was in theatre nerd and not a cheerleader like Nicole. It never failed, Kim would be proud of an achievement and her mother would find fault.

Every fucking time.

She angrily swiped at a tear as it rolled down her cheek, she was done with her mother. She had Nicole, Zoe, and Adam in her life and that was plenty.

Kim stopped in the doorway, her heart bursting with love. She held her hand up to stop Nicole, "Look.." she pointed to the couch where Adam and Zoe slept, Zoe snuggled into Adam's side. The television was on, a Disney movie was drawing to a close, Kim brought her hand to her mouth. "this is the cutest thing I've seen in a long time."

Nicole smiled, "Zoe sure does love her Uncle Adam." She grabbed Kim's hand, "Don't let mom get in your head, Kim. She's not worth it, you know how she is."

"I know." Kim nodded her head, "It still hurts though."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay the night? There's a queen bed in the spare room" Kim followed Nicole and Zoe to the door.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think we will head home. Won't we Zoe?" Nicole asked her half asleep daughter.

"Yeah.." she mumbled as she rubbed her eyes.

"Text me when you get home, okay?"

"Will do."

Adam emerged from the bathroom, "So how'd it go?" He was more than a little nervous, he knew nothing about Kim's mother and after hearing from Zoe that she didn't like him, and it left him feeling pretty unsettled all of evening. He had a suspicion that she didn't care for him, but actually hearing it stung. He had no one to blame but himself and he was going to do all he could to change her mind.

"I don't want to talk about it." Kim rubbed the lotion into her legs.

Adam laid beside her, his hand gripping her calf, "I know she doesn't like me. I can't really blame her, I was a dick when it came to meeting her."

Kim returned the bottle of lotion to the night stand, she crawled across the bed and straddled his legs. "Adam, I don't want to talk about my mother.." she leaned down to kiss his bare stomach, "...I don't want to talk at all..."

Adam pulled her towards him, "No talking..huh?" He captured her lips in a fiery kiss, he grabbed a hold of her waist and flipped her over, "I kinda..." he mumbled as he kissed his way across her collarbone, "...wanted to make..." he worked his way back to her mouth, "...you scream..."

"Please do." Kim whimpered.

 ** _Just a quick little note from me. I heard about a review left on a friend's story that was just plain rude and it's been on my mind a bit that I wanted to address it. I know for myself that a review means a lot, not that I write these stories for the reviews but it's nice to hear a kind word or two. I also enjoy those reviews that include a bit of constructive criticism, sometimes another set of eyes can see where you need to improve. All of that is welcomed, however when some one leaves a review that is just plain rude it stings. I get what I write isn't for everyone and that's fine. If you don't like it, just move on. Leaving a nasty review is just rude and unnecessary, those who write spend a lot of time on these stories and to see somehow be unnecessarily rude hurts._**

 ** _As my mother always said, if you don't have anything nice to say..don't say anything at all._**

 ** _Alright, rant over._**

 ** _Thanks for reading._**


	7. Chapter 7

"That's the last of it." Nicole wiped her hands down the front of her jeans, "no turning back now."

"Nope." Kim agreed, "I'm exhausted, but I'm so happy. Thank you so much for helping, Nic. I couldn't have done this without you." Kim hugged her sister.

It had been chaotic the last week, Kim had taken a few days off to get her place packed up, Nicole had been an amazing asset. She had taken control and banged it out, it was pretty amazing to watch. Kim had always thought of herself as organized and efficient but she had nothing on her big sister. Nicole had it down to a science and was like a well oiled machine, she'd bark out orders and the guys got to work.

Of course the promise of cold beer and hot pizza had been a solid motivator. All that was left was loading up Adam and Jay's trucks and the moving van that Kevin was in charge of. Zoe had latched on to Kevin and was currently riding shotgun with him as they took over the first few boxes to Adam's place.

Nicole was thankful for the men in Kim's life, she loved that Zoe had three men she could admire and trust. Nicole was worried that Zoe would be leery of men after her attack but Adam, Jay, and Kevin had all stepped up. Her daughter knew first hand that there were good men in the world, including her father. He may have been a shit husband but he was a good father, Zoe was the apple of his eye.

It had been a long day of back and forth between Kim's apartment and Adam's house, the last box had been dropped in Adam's living room and the last piece of furniture dragged to the curb. Thankfully Kim's furniture was much nicer than Adam's and in better condition, so it was his stuff that had been hauled out to the curb.

They had downed a few pizzas and a six pack of beer and were working on a few odds and ends before calling it a night. Jay had left about an hour ago, he had some plans that he refused to elaborate on, Nicole and Zoe had gone home for the night. All that remained was Kevin.

All of their friends had expressed joy over their reunion but it was Kevin who was the happiest. He had been caught in the middle, he had known Kim for years because of their time together on patrol. She had been his first partner and his first friend on the force, and Adam was his best friend. He felt like a kid caught in the middle of a divorce, torn between his best friend and a woman who he loved as if she was his sister. He felt immense guilt the few times he ended up hanging out with Kim and Roman. He had definitely broken ' _bro code'_ but he refused to abandon Kim and he tolerated Roman for her benefit. He was happy as a pig in shit that his best friends had found their way back to each other.

"Kevin, my man." Adam clapped him on the back, "thanks for all your help today." Adam wasn't a weakling by any definition of the word, but his strength paled in comparison to Kevin's. It was almost inhuman how strong Atwater was and they had spent a good bit of the day in awe as Kevin carried a few pieces of furniture on his on.

"No problem, buddy. I was glad to do it. My two best friends finally got their shit together. I would've done this with out being fed."

Kim clicked her fingers together, "Damn it..you could've said that earlier. You'd have saved us a fair bit of money" she teased, bouncing the broom between her hands.

"Whatever Burgess, you love me too much not to feed me. Now come hug me." He held his arms out to her.

Kim raised the broom and drew her hand backwards, the broom connecting with Adam's groin. He hissed in obvious pain and dropped to his knees.

Kevin gasped, "Damn Kim. You got him good."

"Baby, I'm sorry!" Kim kneeled beside him, rubbing her hand across his back, "just breathe, take a deep breath."

Kevin scrunched up his face clearly sympathizing with his buddy, "Burgess, I'm pretty sure his balls jumped into his gut, it's nearly impossible to breathe after taking a nut-shot like that. I'm gonna head out, I think Adam needs a minute"

"I'm..okay.." Adam stood up, his breathing still a bit heavy.

Kim helped Adam to the couch, "I'm so sorry, Adam. I didn't realize you were right behind me."

"Clearly" Adam replied resting his feet on the coffee table, "what have you got against my junk?" He cocked his head at her, "you know..if you wanna blow me..you just have to ask." He teased, "you keep this up, my dick is going to rendered useless."

Kim shook her head at him. "You're so crude. What makes you think I want to blow you?" She inched closer to him.

"Well the last time you went for the balls, you made it up to me with that glorious mouth of yours.." he grabbed her by the back of the neck and kissed her.

She ran her hand down his chest, "you just may get lucky.." she mumbled, "I guess it the least I could do, huh?"

"Fuck yes." He laughed.

They had been living with each other for a few months now, and it was still a bit of an adjustment. Spending a night or two at your partner's house was a bit different then actually living with your partner.

Kim knew Adam was a bit of disorganized mess, she just wasn't aware that he was completely disorganized. He never put anything away, he left dirty plates scattered throughout the house and he never turned anything off.

It wasn't unusual to find every single television in the house on and on full blast. Kim often went behind him turning everything off. They had a few disagreements over things and it was still very much a work in progress.

Kim wasn't without fault, she was the complete opposite of Adam. She was a neat freak and was in a constant battle with dust bunnies, she wasn't about to allow them to live in their home. She was constantly dusting and vacuuming, often before the sun came up; much to Adam's displeasure.

What got her riled up was when he left dirty clothes and wet towels on the floor in their bathroom, just inches from the large hamper in the corner of the room. Though, that pissed her off to no end, it wasn't what made her see red. Nope, not in the slightest. What set her off most days was the piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor around the toilet. Adam was worse than a little boy when it came to the bathroom and she felt like all she did was mop the floor.

Adam was the cause of her current state, _foul_. He had gone in early, since they had gotten back together Voight had switched up the partnerships reuniting Adam and Al and placing her with Atwater.

It was a move Adam was pleased with, he had feared for a bit that she'd be paired up with Upton, and while he knew Upton was a great cop he just didn't trust her like he trusted Atwater. If he couldn't be Kim's partner he wanted it to be Kevin.

Kim angrily ran the brush through her hair, she could feel Kevin watching her as he drove, "What?" She spit out.

"You okay Burgess?" He asked with a good bit of trepidation, he was pretty sure Kim was pissed. She'd been edgy since she showed up, he was pretty sure if looks could kill that Adam would've been dead and buried long ago, and it was just his vacant desk that she had glared at. He had been out tracking down a person of interest with Olinsky when she arrived.

Kevin was thankful Adam wasn't around, because he was certain his buddy was in deep shit.

"I'm just _dandy_ , Kevin." She but back, the sarcasm was hard to miss.

"You sure? You don't look dandy from where I'm sitting. Is it Ruzek?" He knew he was walking through a minefield at this point, but he didn't like how worked up she was. He hadn't seen her like this in a long time. He had ignored back then, and shit seem to spiral out of control. He wasn't about to allow that to happen again.

"Fine, I'm pissed off...okay? Pissed off with your idiot of a best friend. Happy now?" She fumed, "I don't want to talk about it...just drive."

"Okay..." Kevin replied slowly, bobbing his head up and down. Clearly she was far too pissed to talk, and that was okay for now.

Her hand shot up, "You know what? I do want to talk about it." She waved her hand around frantically. "The man refuses to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket...he leaves sopping wet towels on the bathroom floor..his pee is always all over the toilet seat, and not to mention the floor. It's disgusting." She huffed, "that's just the tip of the iceberg though..."

Kevin briefly took his eyes off the road to look at her, she was beet red. Yep, she was pissed. "Ah..Adam is a mess..."

"That's not the worst of it." Kim spat, "You wanna know what he did?"

He wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond, and the last place he wanted to end up was her shit list. Nope, he'd leave that to Adam. So he said nothing, which was clearly wrong judging by the way she rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm in the shower..you know I woke up in a great mood" she clarified, "until I was in the shower and reached for my conditioner. My thirty dollar bottle of conditioner mind you, only to find it empty. EMPTY! Kevin!" Her voice rising, "That son of a bitch who can't be bothered to brush his hair half the time used my conditioner! Fine..whatever use it...but fucking tell me it's empty! Nope, not Adam. He just leaves the empty bottle in the shower. Just like he leaves the empty boxes of snack cakes in the pantry. Try having your period and craving a cupcake only to find the box empty. It's not fun. Now, I had nothing to use to conditioner my hair! Do you know what it's like to brush hair this thick, Kevin? It's a fucking nightmare!"

Kevin had to stifle the laughter that had worked it's way up from his gut, he found her little rant hysterical. She was all over the map and it was funny as hell.

"How's domestic life, kid?" Al asked, already having transported their person of interest to the cage for Voight to deal with. They were left with the paperwork and cataloging his belongings into evidence.

"It's great O" Adam replied, "I love it. Kim's the best."

Al was over the moon for his protégé, he had been one of the only people Adam had confided in after Kim broke their engagement. He had portrayed a tough facade but Al knew he was hurting.

"Good, I'm glad you two figured it out. Tell me something." Al leaned against the counter, "she's the reason you bought that dump..isn't she?" When Adam told him about the house he found it a bit odd, but it didn't take long for him to connect the dots.

Adam glanced at his feet before looking back up at Al, "Yeah." He admitted, "I guess. I kinda hoped we would work things out, and that I could prove to her that I'm ready to settle down and that I want to settle down with her."

"Settle down? The marriage kind of settle down?"

"Hopefully. It's still early, but yeah. That's what I want Al. It's all I ever wanted with Kim." Adam returned his firearm to the weapons locker, "and I get my laundry done and a hot meal...what more could I want?" He laughed.

"Careful Ruzek, you're in dangerous territory. Men have been killed for saying shit like that." Al laughed.

Kevin jumped up, "Yo!" He pushed Adam into the break room, "Just a heads up man, Kim's pissed."

Adam grabbed a bottle of water, "What did you do?"

"Nope. Not me. You." He smacked Adam on the chest, "She rattled off a list of shit. It was pretty long, but the fact that you used to her conditioner and left the empty bottle in the shower seems to be what pushed her over the edge. She was livid."

"Fuck.." Adam groaned, "Where is she?"

"We are on a meal break, she went with Platt to grab some dinner." Kevin explained. "If you're a smart man, you'd replace that bottle of conditioner. Plus, you might wanna start putting your shit in the hamper, and work on your aim."

"My aim?" Adam arched an eyebrow.

"Yea. Your pissing aim. She's tired of having to clean up your piss." Kevin clapped him on the back, "times like this remind me why I'm still single."

Adam grabbed his phone off his desk, "Tell O I had to run out."

"So, Boy Wonder? How's that going?" Platt asked as she worked over a mouthful of burger, she dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a napkin, "co-habitation and all that."

Kim sighed, "For the most part it's good. Today isn't the best day to ask me that though. He's on my shit list at the moment. Overall though it's good, really good. I just wish he'd be a bit more organized and that he wouldn't use my hair products." She felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket, "Excuse me."

"Go on." Trudy waved her hand. She loved to needle Burgess and give her a hard time but she saw a lot of herself in Kim. She would never admit it, but Kim had been one of her best patrol officer and while she was happy for Kim, she missed her. Their relationship had shifted since her promotion and they had become friends, and it wasn't unusual for the pair to grab a quick meal when the stars aligned.

Kim couldn't hide the smile, "Lover boy?" Trudy asked.

"Yeah. It's Adam." She turned her phone around so she could see it. Adam had sent a photo of himself holding giant bottle of conditioner. He followed that up with a quick apology and promise to _'make it right.'_

"Just a smidgen of advice for you, Adam is a man. He's never going to be perfect. I still have to clean up behind Randall most days. Men aren't wired like us. They don't think about the little things. Like wiping out the sink after they've shaved. It's annoying but it is what it is. Randall? He is amazing, he's constantly making sure my car has a full tank of gas. He makes sure to DVR my favorite shows when I'm stuck on nights. Yes, he's a messy son of a bitch, yes I wish he'd learn how to put a toilet seat down. He never will, and you know what? That's okay, because he's _my_ son of a bitch. I love him, and he loves me."

Kim was a bit taken aback by Platt's admission the woman rarely showed an emotion other than anger or annoyance. "I know. I do. It's just a little frustrating sometimes. It's like I live with a seven year old."

Trudy laughed heartily, "For fucks sake Kim, you live with Adam Ruzek." She dropped her napkin on the plate, "Adam has his faults, plenty of them. I think we both know I could go on for days talking about his faults. So I won't. I will tell you this, he loves you. That was never in doubt, so cut him some slack..okay?"

"I love him too, so much. I think he just caught me on a bad day. I'm all over the place lately." Kim sighed, "We should get back."

Trudy grabbed her arm, "Kim..are you okay?"

Kim bobbed her head up and down, "Yeah. Just a bit tired. I'm fine. Let's head back."

Adam found her on the couch reading, "Darlin', I'm an ass. I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking this morning." He set the bottle of conditioner on the end table, "let me draw you a bath and I will pamper the shit out of you."

She glanced at him over the top of her book, "Really? _Pamper the shit out of you..._ sounds real romantic Adam.."

He nudged her leg playfully, "You know what I mean. Let's go." He grabbed her book and tossed it on the couch and pulled her up, "Let's go darlin', tonight's all about you."

Adam grumbled as he rolled over, rubbing his eyes. "Babe" he called out, he could hear the shower running, "where the hell are you going? It's Saturday."

"With Nicole. Remember?" Kim peeked out from behind the curtain, "We are taking Zoe to the museum. I told you about this weeks ago."

Adam rested his arm across his forehead, "Yeah. I do. I'm gonna be lonely." He pouted.

She emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, "You can come. It'll be fun." She gathered her clothes.

Adam watched intently as she moved about the room, the towel was barely covering her and with each step she took the even more of her thigh. As she twirled around his heart jumped in his throats and he jumped up, "Babe..what the fuck happened to your leg?" He pushed the towel out of the way.

Kim swatted his hand away, "I'm not having sex with you right now, I'm in a hurry."

"Kim, I'm not looking for sex. Well, not really." He led her to the edge of the bed, "look at that." He pointed to the deep purple bruise on her thigh, "what happened?"

Kim ran her hand over it, "Not sure. I think it's from when I walked into the edge of Atwater's desk yesterday." She wasn't entirely sure as it hadn't hurt all that much when she had done it.

"Does it hurt?" Adam gently placed his hand over it, feeling the heat as it radiated off her skin, he dipped his head and placed a feather light kiss on it.

Kim ran her fingers through his hair, "Well...maybe we do have time for a quickie after all."

 ** _Drama is coming I promise, just having some light moments before shit hits the fan._**


	8. Chapter 8

The door was shut and that set him on edge, a closed door meeting wasn't good. The fact that it was Kim in that meeting had his gut churning. They'd been living together for nearly four months now, and it had been great. It wasn't all smooth sailing, they had their disagreements, but it was typical shit. Living together and working together could be a bit stressful but so far they had been able to deal with it.

Adam couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, the closed door meeting wasn't helping.

Kevin whistled, "What's up?" He asked when Adam locked eyes with him for a brief second.

"Don't know." Adam replied, "Kim? Does she seem off to you?"

Kevin curled his lip, "Not really. I mean she's been a bit moody..but she lives with you..and that whole Aunt Flo thing.." he shuddered.

Adam was about to speak when the door opened, "Kim...you..."

Voight cleared his throat, "Ruzek, my office please."

Adam glared at his boss over his shoulder, "In a minute..."

"Now, Ruzek." Hank bellowed.

Adam watched Kim's back as she went downstairs taking his heart with her. He didn't like how her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

Kevin jumped up, "I'm going"

Adam followed Voight into the office, closing the door behind him.

"Sit down." Hank ordered.

"I'd rather not." Adam was too keyed up to sit, he was filled with anxiety and shit load of nervous energy. He was doing all he could to not chase after Kim, "What just happened in here. It looked like Kim was upset..."

Hank sighed, "She's done for the day. She put in a furlough request."

You could've knocked him down with a feather, "Furlough? How long?" His head was spinning, he ran his hand across his forehead, "Why...what'd she say? This is the first I'm hearing about this..she would've told me. It doesn't make any sense." He dropped into the couch, his heart thudding wildly in his chest.

Kevin finally caught up with Kim in the parking lot, "Burgess!"

Kim stopped and spun around to face him, "Kevin..I'm in a hurry. I don't have time to talk" She reached up and wiped her eyes.

"You're crying? Why?" Kevin placed his hand on her upper arm, "Talk to me Kim. What's going on?"

Kim shook him off, "I need to go. Just let me go."

"Fine if you won't talk to me...talk to Ruzek." He had kept his mouth shut in the past, he wasn't about to make the same mistake, "Just talk to Adam."

"I can't." Kim yanked the door open and jumped in, taking off before she lost her nerve. She had seen the look in Adam's eyes, she hated that look in his eyes and she hated that she was the one to put it there. She hated herself because of it but there wasn't another option. This was the way it needed to be, for everyone.

Adam buried his face in his hands, "Did she..." he paused to clear his throat, "did she say why?"

"Adam, I told you all I can. Why don't you call it a day. Head home." Hank advised, "Go on home, Adam."

Adam jumped up, "Yeah. Okay." Though he wasn't thrilled at the prospect of heading home, especially when he wasn't sure Kim would be at home.

"You did it?" She asked as soon as Kim came charging in. "How did it go?"

Kim dropped the bag in the corner of the foyer, "It went fine. I talked to my boss and that was it." She kicked her shoes off went into the living room, "I didn't stick around long enough to see how he took it. I couldn't. I needed to get away from him, far away."

"Well, its over now." She rubbed her leg, "Some tea?"

Kim massaged her temples, "Yeah, I guess. Thanks."

Adam had left at least ten voicemails, a dozen text messages and had called her numerous times and all if it went unanswered. He was in a daze of sorts, everything had been great between them. They had been living together for awhile now, and after a bit of an adjustment period things were good.

Or at least he had thought so, sure they had their disagreements but they weren't arguments. More often than not it was over silly shit and they would both stew over it for a little while but they would get over it.

This was out of the blue and it scared the shit out of him.

This had happened once before and he felt a shiver run down his spine.

It couldn't be like before...could it?

The sound of his phone vibrating on the coffee table pulled him from his head.

It was Kim.

' _I'm safe'_

His last text he had sent he begged her to let him know she was okay, and she had done that.

It only left him with more questions.

As soon as the headlights hit the wall he was up and off the couch in a flash, only to be devastated when he realized it was Kevin.

"Hey.." Adam grumbled when he met Kevin in the driveway, "I thought you were Kim."

"Sorry bro. I've tried calling her...got nothing." He followed Adam into the house, "I'm worried."

Adam dropped down on the couch, "So am I. She sent a text a little while ago. Said she was ' _safe_ '. Whatever the fuck that means." He kicked at the coffee table a bit, "she say anything to you?"

Kevin shrugged, "Nah. Everything okay between you two?"

"I thought so...clearly I was wrong. It's happening again!" Adam jumped up and began pacing, "I don't know what the fuck is going on...why did she leave me man? What the fuck!"

"Calm down, Adam." Kevin reached out to him, "I don't think this is like last time. I don't think she's left you..maybe she just needed some space? She loves you man, you know that."

Adam scoffed at him, "Yep. I'm really feeling the fucking love."

She clutched the pillow to her chest as she sobbed. She knew she needed to sleep, but it was impossible. As soon as she closed her eyes images of Adam raced through her mind's eye.

She had to leave him.

 ** _It's short I know, and truthfully I'm not all that confident in it but I'm hoping it's not awful._**


	9. Chapter 9

This?

This was surreal. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined something like this happening to her. This had come from so far out of left field but what was she to do?

Turn her away?

No, she couldn't do that. She was never very motherly towards her younger daughter but she wasn't a complete monster. That morning she turned up on her doorstep, her eyes red and puffy her cheeks wet from tears was the day that had changed everything.

Now just a few weeks later she was still trying to get her footing. She knew that she was a last resort, that her daughter wasn't looking to repair their relationship she had made that abundantly clear.

She was a means to an end.

Kevin exhaled when he found his buddy sitting in the corner of the bar, it had been a few days since Kim walked out of the district. Adam was a disaster, Kevin was afraid it would only get worse as the days went on and Kim remained 'MIA' he found little comfort in that fact that she had sent Adam a text stating she was okay.

It was absolute bullshit. She wasn't okay, far from it.

Adam downed the shot, "Hit me with a 'nother one"

"Nah, he's done." Kevin told the bartender, "Hey man." He leaned against the bar, "I've been calling you for hours. What are you doing here?"

Adam rolled his eyes, "What the fuck does it look like?" His words beginning to slur.

"C'mon don't do this." Kevin sat down, "have you spoken to her?"

"No." Adam shook his head, "I've called her a thousand times, it always goes right to voicemail. Have you?"

"Nah, man. I wish I had. Have you tried Nicole?" Kevin was at loss, he was just as confused as Adam.

"Nicole's out of town with Zoe. I don't even know if she knows Kim left me." Saying the words out loud nearly killed him, "I don't fucking care anymore. I'm done with her. All she does is play games...I'm done playing."

"You don't meant that Adam. You love her."

"Unrequited love. Kevin, that's the worst kind of love."

The bags were packed and all that was left was to get in the car and head out, she didn't like how this was being handled at all. Kim had made it clear to her that it was her life and she would decide how things were handled. That she only confided in her because she needed someone to take her back and forth, that she didn't need her input.

"Kim, are you sure about this?" Catherine asked, "don't you think Nicole should know?"

Kim pulled her hair up into a ponytail, "Nicole has enough to deal with, she and Zoe have been through enough. This is the last thing they need." She grabbed her iPad, "Let's go."

Catherine followed her out to the car, "Well, what about Adam?"

Kim cut her eyes at her mother, "No. Absolutely not."

She refused to be a burden, she wouldn't be the anchor that held him down. She wanted more for him, he deserved more.

"I think you're wrong Kim." Catherine put the car in drive and pulled out of the driveway. "I wish you'd reconsider."

"I wish you'd shut up." Kim retorted.

The drive to the hospital was quiet, the calm before the storm.

It had all started with a bruise, bruises weren't uncommon for her. She wasn't the most graceful person in the world and she was often walking into things. She had even told Adam she had walked into a desk, that was a lie. The bruise on her thigh was massive and she had been shocked to see it, she told Adam it was nothing.

That bruise was just the beginning, it wasn't long after that she itched all over and would wake up drenched in sweat. She was irritable and exhausted, her entire body ached. More bruises of varying sizes began to show up, it was then she knew she needed to see a doctor. She chalked it up to her anemia that perhaps the iron supplement she was taking was no longer effective. At one point she had even suspected she was pregnant, her period had all but disappeared. Then the weight loss started, the weight just fell off. She had lost about ten pounds in about two weeks. It had been so sudden and noticeable that Adam had mentioned it. She blamed it on the new cross fit gym that had opened up a few blocks from their house.

She refused to believe it was serious. She had convinced herself it was her anemia, and just a change in her iron intake would have her feeling better;If only it had been that simple. After a few very stressful appointments, lab work and some other tests she was given the awful news.

She had Hodgkins disease. She had lymphoma. She had cancer.

It had brought her world to a sudden stop, they discussed treatment plans and life expectancy.

That morning she decided to start treatment she also decided to do it alone. That it was best for everyone that way. Nicole had finally found her footing, Zoe was happy and doing well in school. They didn't need to worry about her.

It broke her heart leaving Adam, but that too needed to be done. She loved him with all she had but she had seen the statistics, this disease was far reaching and it destroyed everything it touched. She had already hurt Adam enough for one lifetime, she wouldn't, she couldn't hurt him again.

It was why she left.

Voight had tried to convince her to tell him, but she refused to budge. She knew how cancer had affected Voight, he had lost his wife to this ugly disease. He was brought to his knees by it and it still haunted him to this day. He had never moved on after his wife died, and Kim wanted more for Adam.

Hank made it clear he disagreed with her, but he promised to keep it quiet. It wasn't his story to tell, he hugged her and wished her well.

Leaving the district that morning was the hardest thing she had ever done, speaking to Kevin in the parking lot almost changed her mind. All of the calls from Adam almost changed her mind, but telling Adam would've been selfish.

She went to her mother. She wasn't seeking comfort from her mother, her mother was simply a means to an end.

They weren't close and she didn't feel an overwhelming urge to protect her. She just needed someone beside her for treatment. The doctors had told her she need to be looked after when she was at home, she'd need someone to take her to and from treatments.

Her mother would suffice.

For Catherine it was hard to see the coldness in her daughter's eyes. It was confronting for her, she had let her youngest daughter down from day one. It was time to right that wrong, she was going to be by Kim's side every step of the way. She was going to do whatever she needed.

She watched as the nurse diligently inserted the IV in her hand, only half listening as the nurse rattled on about some inane television show. Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard and Kim just wanted her to shut up. Except silence was worse, if it was quiet she was left with her thoughts and that was worse.

"Done." The nurse smiled at Kim, "Once surgery is over you'll have a PICC line and all your medicines will be pushed through that, okay?"

Kim nodded, "Thank you."

"I can send your mom in now if you'd like." The nurse cleaned up her cart and checked the IV on last time.

"No, thank you. I'd like to be alone." Kim responded.

Adam was glad to be back at work, it was just the distraction he needed. They had caught a pretty nasty crime scene and they'd be at it for days. It wasn't easy looking over at Kim's desk and seeing her replacement. In a way he felt bad for the guy, he wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms. Adam wasn't the only person who was baffled by Kim's sudden departure but Voight gave them nothing.

Adam had already gone toe to toe with Voight over it, it had taken Olinsky and Atwater to drag Adam out of Voight's office. Two weeks later it was still pretty tense in the room but he and Voight had found some common ground, but it was tenuous and it wouldn't take much for it to crumble.

The first two weeks after Kim had left he had fallen into the rabbit hole a bit, he had spend a lot of time keeping a bar stool warm. He was a mess and looking for a fight, thankfully Kelly Severide had saved him from a pretty serious ass kicking. He had been three sheets to the wind and picked a fight with a guy he had gone to the academy with.

Since that night he had pulled his shit together had threw himself into his work and it was what kept him somewhat sane.

It had started just a few days ago, she ran her fingers through her hair and ended up with a fistful of hair. She had dissolved into a puddle of tears, it had been the straw that broke the camel's back.

So far she had a handle on her emotions and even during her lowest points, but this had set her over the edge. She ended up yanking clumps of hair out as she sobbed hysterically. A nurse walking by had heard her cries and rushed in, she held Kim as she cried. Later that day she came in after her shift with her sister who was a barber. Kim had ended up with a buzz cut, something straight out of GI Jane but it had empowered Kim. She felt as if she had just the tiniest sliver of control when she made the decision to cut what was left.

She'd been pretty sick the last few days and there had been talk of a feeding tube as she had been dropping weight at a steady clip and her appetite was almost nonexistent. The first week of treatment had been okay, but the second week was as close to hell on earth as one could get. She was vomiting almost hourly, the anti nausea medicine helped some but left her feeling groggy. The hardest part was knowing it was only going to get worse.

Catherine had watched all of this go down from the hallway, only able to peer in the small window. Kim had told her from the get go that she wasn't welcomed in her room and that she only told her mother on her doctor's insistence. She needed to have someone to help her.

She had been given daily updates from Kim's medical team and it was heartbreaking to watch her daughter suffer alone. From the minute Kim was born she had let her down. With each passing year it became worse and through no fault of Kim's. In hindsight it was easy for Catherine to see, she had resented Kim because she wasn't a boy. The boy her husband was desperate for, it was irrational and it was awful. It got to the point where she ended up pushing Kim away completely. Nothing Kim did was ever good enough in her eyes and she had no problem telling Kim.

Kim was persistent when she was growing up, always trying to gain her mother's approval but Catherine never gave her the time of day. Once Kim hit adulthood she had stopped trying, aside from the odd dinner here or there that Nicole set up they rarely talked.

The hospital staff didn't ask many questions but it was clear Kim had instructed them with regards to her mother. She was allowed to be given updates on Kim's health but she asked that she be kept from the room.

Catherine often snuck into the room in the wee hours of the morning, silently sitting beside Kim's bed watching her sleep.

The graveyard shift nurse was an older woman who sympathized with Catherine and turned a blind eye towards her, Kim was sleeping and she saw no harm in it.

"Still nothing?" Kevin brought over the tray of drinks, "this is unreal man. It's not like her. It's like she just fell off the face of the earth."

She was the last person he wanted to talk about, he chugged what was left of his beer in pushed off the bar, "I'm done." Adam grabbed his wallet and keys, "I can't do this again...keep going over this. She's gone...and you know what..I don't give a fuck anymore."

"Adam, come on. You don't mean that. Something is wrong." Kevin tried to stop him.

"Yeah. It's me."

She was finished.

"Fuck off" he grumbled when the bell rang, he turned on his side hoping whoever it was would give up. It wasn't unusual for Al, Kevin or Jay to stop by. He knew it wasn't Kevin, and he had a hunch it wasn't Jay.

He figured it was Al.

Al wouldn't leave, so it was best he got up and dealt with him.

Except it wasn't Al on his doorstep.

 ** _Yet, another chapter I'm iffy on. It's just not flowing right and it's really pissing me off, I had planned on this being at least 15-20 chapters but that's highly unlikely. I'm thinking perhaps 12 at the very most._**

 ** _As always thanks for reading and reviewing, I'm sorry that last few chapters have been absolute shit. No one hates that more than me._**


	10. Chapter 10

Adam leaned against the door, "Kim's not here."

Catherine nodded her head, "I know. May I come in?" She couldn't help but notice how awful he looked. She had only seen him in photos but he was a good looking man, and the man that stood in front of her looked as if he had traveled through the depths of hell.

"Seriously?" Adam asked her, "Why?"

"I need to talk to you. About Kim. I'd rather not do it out here. Please, Adam?" Catherine clutched her purse in her hand, so tightly her knuckles were beginning to turn white.

Adam stepped to the side to let her in, "What is it?"

Catherine took a deep breath, she hadn't yet uttered the words out loud and she was suddenly finding it hard to speak. Her throat felt like sandpaper and her tongue was thick, "It's about Kim..." she paused, she pulled in a long and deep breath before continuing, "and It goes against my better judgement, but I know my daughter needs you. She needs you now more than ever 's going to hate me for this, but that's okay. She's trying to protect you and her sister from this."

Adam felt his heart accelerate and his knees wobble, "Protect me? Protect me from what? What the hell is going on?"

"She's in the hospital" Catherine blurted out, she could feel the grip she had on her emotions begin to slip, seeing Adam's reaction had told her all she needed to know. The words had barely left her lips and Adam was half way out the door. Even a blind man would be able to see that Adam loved her daughter.

She raced after him, grabbing his arm "Adam, there's more."

"It doesn't matter I need to get to Med." Adam tried to pry his arm from Catherine's hand.

"She's not at Med. She's at Mercy."

"Mercy? That's like an hour and a half away. Why is she there?" Adam asked.

Catherine led him back inside the house, "Adam, Kim has Hodgkins Disease. Mercy has an amazing oncology team. She's in good hands..actually great hands."

It felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked from the room, his eyes burned "Oncology? That's cancer...Kim..she doesn't have cancer." He felt himself gasping for air, "she's healthy..." his vision became blurry as his eyes filled with tears, "she's a gym rat..she eats clean..you're lying to me." She had to be, "You hate me that much? Is this some twisted fucking joke? Kim hates me that much?"

She hated how defeated he sounded, she reached out to touch him, "Adam. Oh, Adam. I wish I was lying, I'm so sorry. Kim has cancer. I wish to god she didn't." Catherine replied, "A few weeks ago Kim showed up on my doorstep. She had been crying..was still crying in fact. I had no idea what to think." She could see the fear written all over Adam's face, he hung on her every word, "She told me that day she had cancer. She wanted to do this alone, but her doctors insisted she told someone. So she told me."

"W-why not me?" Adam whispered, "I love her..."

"I know you do." Catherine smiled awkwardly, she had trashed the man before her for so long, "She knows it too, Adam. My daughter loves you. She didn't want to put this on your shoulders. She wanted to protect you. Nicole as well. She came to me..because..." she stammered a bit, "well, because she doesn't love me..doesn't need to protect me." Her voice cracking a bit, "She won't even let me in the room"

"I need to get to her." Adam stood up.

"Not yet, let me finish." Catherine stood up, "It's been awful she's so sick. It's been really hard on her. The doctors say it's a good thing, it means the chemo is working. It's just so hard to see her in so much pain. She can't do this alone, I won't allow it. She doesn't want me. She doesn't need me..she needs you. Adam."

"She's got me."

"She's sick. She's pale, she's lost a lot of weight. Her hair is gone. She's fighting as hard as she can..but she's tired." Catherine sobbed, "She's all alone...I don't want her to be alone anymore. Please go to her..don't let her push you away."

"I won't." Adam grabbed her hand, "Thank you, thank you for coming to me."

The drive to the hospital was the longest hour of his life, he had thrown his blue light on the dashboard allowing him to get there just a bit quicker.

A thousand different emotions raced through him, he was terrified for Kim. He hated that she was alone in this fight. He hated himself. He hated that he just let her go, that he didn't go after her.

Cancer scared the piss out of him. He knew jack shit about the disease, he was one of the few people that cancer had yet to touch in some way. Until now.

Modesty had gone out the window days ago, she no longer attempted to cover up when the doctors or nurses came through for rounds. She didn't care anymore, she didn't have the energy to care. It took all she had to get out of the bed and in the shower, she craved a shower. She had vomited all over herself and a sponge bath wouldn't get the job down.

It had felt glorious but had zapped her of what little energy she had, she could barely keep her eyes open as she struggled to watch television. It was ugly, she hated the feeding tube that had popped in her nose. The tape was unbearable and she hated the feeling of the tube as it made its way to her stomach. They promised she'd get used to it but she doubted that, it took all she had not to yank it out. It was her ticket home, she needed to put on some weight before they discharged her.

She was desperate to get out of the hospital, she hated it here. She wanted to go home, but that was impossible so she settled for her mother's house. Anywhere was better than the hospital.

The doctors and nurses were great, even the nursing assistants were wonderful and they tried to lift her spirits but it was useless. She could feel herself slipping away with each passing day. It had started with her hair, and then the weight began to fall off and she looked awful.

All she did was sleep, at least in her dreams she had Adam.

It was bittersweet, waking up and realizing she wasn't in his arms was awful, but she still looked forward to sleeping. It was why she spent most of her time asleep.

She lowered the volume on the television and closed her eyes.

Adam followed Catherine down the long corridor, they stopped on at the nurses station, "Hi, Shelly. How's Kim?" Catherine asked an older woman who sat behind the desk.

"Pretty miserable. Last I checked she was sleeping." Shelly offered, "You should sit with her."

Catherine pulled Adam towards her, "This is Adam Ruzek. My daughter's boyfriend"

Shelly's eyes grew big, "Adam? She's called out for an 'Adam' in her sleep."

"Can I see her? Please?" Adam leaned on the counter, "I had no idea..."

"Of course, go on Sweetie." Shelly waved them away, "Sit with her."

Catherine led him to Kim's room, "She's asked me to stay out here, Shelly has let me sit by the bed when Kim's sleeping. She has no idea I'm in the room, I couldn't stay out here...I'm a horrible mother, Adam. I know that." She looked up at him, "I love my daughter and I want her to be okay. I know you can help her. I need you to help her."

Adam nodded, "Of course. Thank you for coming to me. I know it wasn't easy, but I appreciate it. I had no idea. She just left me. She didn't give an explanation..but I just let her go.." he bowed his head almost in shame. "I shouldn't have let her go..."

"You didn't know."

"I know now. I'm not leaving her side." Adam rested his hand on the doorknob, "I can go in? It's okay?"

"It is. I will be right here. Take all the time you need."

Adam felt his chest constrict as soon as he stepped foot in the room. Kim looked incredibly small in the massive bed, her face was ashen and drawn. Dark circles beneath her eyes, a small basin sat beside her to catch her vomit. He watched as the medicine was pushed through the tubing into her blood stream, warning labels stuck to the bag of medicine warning the staff to handle it with care. It was poison infiltrating her precious beautiful body, but it would save her life it had to.

He felt the first tear as it rolled down his cheek, he quickly swiped it away only for another to follow its path. He ignored that one, as he knew it was only the beginning. He felt the tidal wave of tears as they tumbled from his eyes, his chest ached. He leaned over her and lightly kissed her forehead, his hand running over her perfectly shaped head. The smoothness of her scalp was startling, he was used to feeling her soft silky hair.

"Darlin' I wish I knew" he mumbled as he placed another soft kiss this time on the crown of her head. He carefully lifted her hand in his and held it as if it was the most precious thing in the world. It was hard to miss the feeding tube in her nose, she looked exhausted.

He sat down in the chair beside her bed and watched as she slept. He wanted to see her eyes and hear her voice but he knew she needed rest. It pained him to know she had dealt with all of this without him.

Adam watched as her eyes moved behind her lids, the few lashes that remained started to flutter, he stood up. He kissed her head, "Hey baby.." he mumbled as he stroked her cheek.

Kim was confused as her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, just the small lamp in the corner of the room was on. He wasn't in the room..he couldn't be, but he was.

He wasn't just in the room he was holding her hand and leaning over her.

"Adam..." Kim uttered, "you're here."

He smiled at her, "I am."

"How?"

Adam sat on the edge of the bed, "Your mother. She came to our house.." he ran his thumb over her hip, "Kim, I wish you had told me...you shouldn't have gone through this alone. I'm here now, and I'm never leaving your side. I love you."

Kim gingerly reached up to touch his cheek, "I'm scared." She relished the feeling of his stubbled cheek on her finger tips. "I'm so scared Adam..." her lip quivering.

"I get that. I understand. Cancer is scary as hell Kim. I'm terrified, but I want to be with you every step of the way." Adam leaned in and kissed her lips lightly, her usually smooth and soft lips were now cracked and dry. He hated what this was doing to her.

"I know...I didn't want to be a burden, I didn't want you tied down to me. I don't know what will happen..if I will live..."

He grabbed her face in his hands, "Stop! Don't even say it. You'll beat this Kim. You're the toughest and strongest woman I know, you will beat this."

Kim wiped a few tears away, "Are...you sure?" She was crying heavily, "It's not pretty.."

"Don't you get it? I love you Kim. You are my world."

"I love you too..I'm sorry Adam." She dissolved into tears, sobbing gut wrenching tears.

"Oh..baby.." Adam opened his arms and caught her as she fell against him, holding her as tight as possible, "You don't need to apologize. You were scared darlin', I'm here now. I'm never leaving you."


	11. Chapter 11

The fridge was packed with various casserole dishes, some barely touched and others all but empty only a few crumbs remained. He would grab a dish, toss it in the oven or microwave and eat it straight from the dish. When he was full he'd throw it back in the fridge, occasionally Nicole would spend a few hours on a Saturday at the house and straighten up. She'd clean the kitchen, catch up on his laundry and grab some clothes for a Kim before heading to visit her.

Adam grabbed the plate that had a few slices of pizza on it, he had spent the night at home for the first night in almost a week. This particular round of chemo had hit Kim hard, it was worse than the very first round. He was practically pushed out of the room by Kevin, who promised to stay by Kim's side and call if Adam was needed.

Adam was burning both ends of the candle and everyone feared he'd run himself ragged. He wasn't happy about it but Kevin made it crystal clear that Adam was going home, he could be a big boy and leave or Kevin would carry his ass out kicking and screaming.

Adam took him at his word.

He leaned over a sleeping Kim, placing a light kiss on her temple and whispered a few soft words in her ear, he begged Kevin to call him immediately if Kim needed him.

Kevin assured him he would, and sent him on his way.

It was pointless, if he had slept more than an hour or so that was a lot. He just couldn't get his mind to settle, he had done the one thing everyone had warned him about; he googled shit.

Everyone who he came in contact with had advised him to not Google Kim's disease, that it would only add to his anxiety. He couldn't stop himself though, he wanted to understand everything she was going through, he needed statistics. He need stories of survival and he needed stories of defeat, he wanted to know it all. He wanted to understand what the doctors were talking about.

Now it left him sick to his stomach, it was horrific watching the person he loved most in the world in such a fight.

The fight of her life...and by extension, his. If she didn't survive this, he wouldn't either.

None of this had been easy, but in comparison to Kim's battle it was a cake walk. He had gone with Catherine to tell Nicole, the look of pure shock on Nicole's face when when she noticed Adam was standing beside her mother was hard to miss.

Nicole knew in that instant something was wrong.

"Adam...mom.." Nicole was bewildered, "umm..what the hell is going on?"

"Is Zoe here?" Catherine asked ignoring her daughter's question, "if she is, we can come back."

Adam wasn't so sure, now that they were there he just wanted to get it over with it, Nicole was just the first of many who would need to be told. He had already met up with Voight and they talked and decided it would be best if Adam told the team. That was his next stop, he was going to back it all out in one day and be done with it.

Catherine was vehemently against telling Zoe but Adam insisted that she needed to know, that it would be wrong to keep it from her and impossible to do so. They compromised on telling Nicole first and allowing her to determine when and how to tell Zoe.

"She's at a sleep over, is everything okay?" What a stupid fucking statement that was, "Clearly it's not..cause you and him together, well hell must've frozen over."

Adam finally spoke up, "Can we come in? It's important."

Nicole backed away from the door, "Yes. Of course. I'm a little worried. Where's Kim? You and Kim broke up..so, why are you with my mother?" The news of the break up had confused the shit out of her, and Kim had ignored her calls and requested some space in a text message. It went against her instincts but she respected her sister's wishes.

Catherine made her way through the house and settled in at the kitchen table, she waited until Adam and Nicole both sat down, "I need you to just listen for a minute. Don't interrupt, okay?"

Nicole ran her hands down her thighs, "Okay."

"Kim came to me a while back, she was distraught. She was terrified, and my door step was the last place she wanted to be." She locked eyes with Adam for a minute, she hated the sadness she saw in them. "She thought it was where she needed to be, you know your sister, she tries to protect everyone."

"Mom?" Nicole spoke, her voice was shaky.

Adam grabbed her hand, "Just listen."

"Nicole, honey. Kim has cancer. She's already started treatment."

Nicole dropped Adam's hand and stood up, "Oh my god." She began to pace, "oh, my god. I need to get to her." Suddenly it all started to make sense. It was gut wrenching but at least it made sense.

Adam sat down and inhaled the slice of pizza, he rarely had an appetite but he always had someone in his ear demanding that he ate.

Telling Nicole had been hard, telling Zoe was something all together different.

Nicole and Adam decided it best if it was just them when they told Zoe, Catherine would sit with Kim.

"Can I get dessert?" Zoe's eyes peeped over the top of the menu at her mother.

Nicole nodded "Sure, you need to decide what you want for lunch first, okay?"

"I want a cheeseburger. Like the one Uncle Adam always gets." Zoe responded, she was enamored with her uncle. She was over the moon when her mom told her they'd have dinner with him, albeit a bit confused when she learned her aunt wasn't joining them.

Nicole spotted Adam as he made his way through the crowded restaurant, "Sorry..my coverage was running a bit late" he told her, he kissed Zoe on the top of her head. He had missed her something awful.

"Where's Aunt Kim? Why isn't she with you?" Zoe wasted no time. Her mother had dodged her questions all morning as she was over it.

Nicole had kept the news about Kim and Adam's breakup from Zoe, hoping that they'd figure it out and get back together, hoping she wouldn't have to break her daughter's heart.

"About that.." Nicole started, "We need to talk."

Zoe laid the menu down, "Okay. Is it something bad?"

The waiter's arrival had bought Nicole some time, they placed their orders and waited until he was gone. "Sweetie, Aunt Kim is sick."

"Oh, okay. That's not too bad. Is it the stomach flu? Kids at school had that. One kid threw up in the cafeteria, it was so nasty. Some of the boys were disgusting, trying to figure out what he had eaten by looking at the puke. So nasty." She contorted her face in disgust.

Nicole reached across the table and grabbed her daughter's hand, "Honey, it's not like that. Aunt Kim.she doesn't have a stomach flu..she's not sick like that. She's in the hospital right now, that's why she's not here."

Adam hated the look of confusion on Zoe's face, it didn't take long for her to begin to piece things together. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head, she wasn't a stupid kid.

"Sick? Sick how?" Zoe pulled her hand out from under her mother's, "like she's gonna die sick? That kind of sick?" Her eyes filling with tears, her lip quivering just a bit.

"Aunt Kim has cancer." Nicole blurted out, "it's Hodgkins Disease. It's treatable. If you're going to get cancer, it's the kind to get." She rattled of some lame line she had read from some internet support group. It hadn't been comforting when she read it a few days ago, and it clearly didn't provide comfort to Zoe either.

Zoe pushed back from the table and took off like a bat out of hell.

"Zoe!" Nicole called out, "Excuse me." She stood up to leave.

Adam grabbed her wrist, "Let me..please?"

"Okay. I'm sorry." She wiped her eyes. She felt like a ship lost at sea, she had felt that way since she had learned of her sister's illness. Every time she felt as if she had a handle on all of this, a rogue wave would come at her. Knocking her down once more leaving her sputtering and gasping for air.

Through all of her own trials and tribulations Kim was always her anchor, the person who kept her in place. Kim never allowed her to drift or be overcome by the weight of it all. It was Kim who was her shelter from the storm, and she wanted to return the favor but she was struggling to keep her head above water.

Adam spotted Zoe sitting on the hood of Nicole's sedan, "Hey bubs"

Zoe was playing with the bracelet on her wrist, "hey..." she whispered her eyes never leaving the pink bracelet.

Adam carefully sat next to her, "It sucks. I know." Adam leaned his elbows on his knees, "I'm angry. I get so mad sometimes that I can't think straight. Then some times I'm scared Zo. I'm scared Aunt Kim won't be okay..I hate that I can't fix her."

"Is she scared?" Zoe finally looked up at him, "I don't want her to die."

Adam opened his arms for her and she fell into them sobbing, "Come on..please don't cry."

"I love her, Uncle Adam. She can't die." Zoe cried, her small frame shaking with each sob.

"She loves you too. So much." Adam cradled her head against his chest, he kissed the top of her head, "Aunt Kim is tough. She's the strongest person I know, she's fighting so hard, you'd be so proud of her. I am." Adam released his hold on Zoe, "I'd do anything for your aunt..and you too. I wish I could take this on for her, but I can't." Adam jumped down from the car and held his hand out to her, "Let's go back inside. We will talk about what we can do, okay?"

"Okay."

"Baby" Nicole stood up and hugged her daughter, "Are you okay?"

Zoe shrugged as she sat down, their food had arrived just moments ago, "I'm not very hungry now.."

Adam pointed to the burger, "That's too good to pass up Zo. Eat up while we talk. Aunt Kim needs all of us to be strong, so we need to eat." He had heard it enough times. "Plus, it's amazing." He smiled at her.

"I wish I could take all of this on for your aunt. I can't though. It's hard for me, Zoe. I protect the people I love. My family. Aunt Kim is my family, she's the love of my life. You and your mom are my family as well, I love you both. I can't heal Aunt Kim, but I can still help her. So can you."

"How?"

"Just keep doing what you're doing, go to school, have fun and just be kid. Don't worry about Aunt Kim, she wants you to be happy. She doesn't want you to be sad. Be good for your mom and help her out, let us do all the worrying okay?" Adam pushed his plate to the side, "Now, Aunt Kim would love for you to visit her, but she also understands if you don't want to. She knows its kind of scary, hospitals aren't fun places to be."

"I want to see her." Zoe shouted.

"Okay." Nicole smiled, "I'm glad. I just want you to understand that Aunt Kim doesn't look the same. She's been taking very strong medicine and it's changed her appearance."

"How?"

"She's lost a lot of weight, honey. They had to put a tube in her nose, it goes into her stomach and that's how she's fed. The medicine makes her feel awful, so awful that she won't eat food." Nicole explained, "she's also bald now."

"Her hair fell out?"

"She actually had it shaved, but yes it would've fallen out." Adam replied, "She's still gorgeous though."

"Can I see her tonight?" Zoe asked.

"Not tonight baby, but soon" Nicole told her, "Nana is with her now, and it's late. We will figure out a good time to visit, okay?" She grabbed her purse and stood up, "Give Uncle Adam a hug and we need to get going."

"Bye Uncle Adam. I love you." Zoe wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Bye bubs. I love you too. It's gonna be okay. Don't worry." He tugged lightly on her ponytail, "Drive safe Nicole." He kissed her cheek, "I will check in with you tomorrow."

After a quick shower Adam left for the hospital. He knew how anxious Kim was when she first woke up, and he was a bit surprised she hadn't called him yet. He hoped that meant she was sleeping, he wasn't the only one that wasn't sleeping well. Kim suffered from a horrible case of insomnia. The nurses were always telling her that she needed to be sleeping, only for them to check on her every hour making it impossible to sleep.

As he pushed the door open he felt his heart skip a beat, she was sleeping and looked peaceful. Her hands tucked under her cheek as she lay on her side, the small speaker on the table playing soft music.

He loved this woman with his entire soul and his heart was in her hands. He adjusted her blankets and placed a tender kiss on her cheek.

"Mmmhmm..." she hummed, "Careful my boyfriend could show up at any time" she teased.

Adam laughed, "I bet I could take him" he loved the light moments, sadly they were few and far apart.

Kim sat up in bed, "What time is Nicole coming?" She had felt like shit the last few days and it had delayed Zoe's visit. She was finally feeling a bit better and was seriously missing her niece. "Zoe's still coming, right?"

Adam dragged the chair over to her bed, "I'm pretty sure, Nicole hasn't said otherwise. I know she's been chomping at the bit to see you."

"I can't wait. I miss her. You're sure she's okay with.." she waved her hand up and down her body, "this. I look awful."

Adam shook his head, "No you don't. We made sure she understood. She wants to come, Kim. She loves you. Your sister explained how the chemo has affected you." Adam reached over and rubbed her head, "Bald is certainly beautiful.."

Kim pushed his hand away, "Stop it.." she smirked, "When is she coming?"

"Soon. Around ten I think."

"Good you can go home when they get here. You didn't sleep last night, I can tell."

Adam shook his head, "Yes I did."

"Bullshit Adam. You've got dark circles under your eyes" She grabbed a handful of his shirt "Please Adam, you need to rest."

Adam grabbed her hand, "I slept, babe. I swear."

"How long?"

"Uh..forty minutes or so." Adam admitted, "I can't sleep, alright? As soon as I shut my eyes..all these thoughts start racing through my head.." he looked at the floor, "I'm fucking scared, Kim. I've never been so scared in my life..it's suffocating sometimes."

Kim could see the tears in his eyes despite his refusal to make eye contact with her, it broke her heart, "Adam, baby. It's okay. I'm okay."

"I can't...I can't fix this..I don't know what to do for you." Adam felt the first tears slide down his cheeks.

Kim brushed them away, "You're here, by my side. That's all I need, that's all I want. You. That's it, Adam. You're all I need." She pulled him against her chest and held on tight.

After a few moments he pulled himself from her arms, "I'm fine." He stood up and wiped his face turning his back on her, he went to the window. He needed to steady himself, he hated that he had fallen apart in front of her. That was the last thing he wanted, he needed to be strong. Kim needed him to be strong not a blubbering little bitch.

"Adam..honey.." Kim watched as he stood at the window, she called his name again, "Adam..are you alright?"

He chuckled, "Alright? I'm not even sure I know what that word means at the moment." He turned around to face her. "Don't worry about me. Let's order you some breakfast" he grabbed the hospital menu from the small table in the corner of the room, "What do you feel like eating.."

"Adam!" Kim hated that he shut down around her. He rarely talked about how he was feeling or what he was thinking. The rare moment he did open it up, he shut it down pretty quick. He'd change the subject and refuse to address it again, 'I'm fine Kim' or 'I don't want to talk about it' was all she would get from him.

Adam closed the menu, "I'm fine Kim. Please. Just drop it okay?" He handed her the menu, "you need to eat something."

Zoe's mouth was running the entire car ride, she kept going on and on about some kid at school, she continued the story as they shopped in the hospital's gift shop. Zoe insisted she needed to get Kim a stuffed animal and some magazines, she tossed in a few candy bars as well.

The second the elevator doors slid open, her mouth clamped shut and her eyes grew watery. Nicole knew exactly what was going on, from the minute Zoe had woken up her mouth was running. It was typical of Zoe to talk your ear off when she was nervous or scared, her incessant chatter was a defense mechanism of sorts.

Now she had gone silent and it set Nicole on edge, it had her thinking that perhaps this visit wasn't a good idea after all. She watched as Zoe bounced on the balls of her feet, "Zoe, honey. It's not too late you know."

"Late?"

"You don't have to see Aunt Kim if you're scared. She'll understand."

"I'm not scared" Zoe bit back, she clutched the bear a bit tighter, "I am a little bit" she admitted, "I'm afraid I'm going to cry when I see Aunt Kim. Is that okay?"

"Sure it is. I cried the first time I saw Aunt Kim. It's hard to see her like that, it's okay. Even Uncle Adam has cried. Aunt Kim will probably cry with you." Nicole wrapped an arm around her.

"Can I ask her stuff?" Zoe looked up at her mother, "Like how long will she be in the hospital? Can I still sleep over at her house?"

"Of course you can ask, honey. Though Aunt Kim may not have an answer yet. Everything depends on her numbers."

"Numbers? What does that mean?" Zoe stepped out of the elevator and on to the oncology floor.

"Her blood work, its complicated." Nicole guided her down the hallway. "She has to have the correct counts before she can be discharged. I know Uncle Adam said they were hoping to discharge her in a few days. Give her a break from treatment." She really hoped that was the case, she knew how horrible being in the hospital was. It sucked, and Kim had been in a lot longer than she had.

Nicole stopped a few feet from Kim's room, "Last chance. Are you sure you're ready for this? Aunt Kim won't be mad, she's desperate to see you but she'd understand if you're uncomfortable."

"That's vile.." Kim pushed the scrambled eggs around the plate, "It's like chewing on rubber, Adam. I don't want it." She pushed the plate aside, "This fruit cup is just as gross."

Adam groaned, "Babe. Please, eat something. You need to eat." He grabbed the slice of toast, "Surely they haven't fucked up toast. Have a bite." He held it in front of her mouth, "Come on, darlin'. Open up, let the airplane in.." he teased as he waved the toast around as if it was an airplane even making jet engine sounds as if she was a toddler refusing to eat.

"You're an ass." She swatted his hand away, "You try it."

"Fine." Adam retorted, he took a big bite. "it's not..." he coughed as he tried to force the toast down, it was soggy and the butter was gross. He wasn't even sure it was in fact butter, it was awful. "Alright..it's nasty."

"See. It's disgusting Adam. Nothing has flavor, it's like cardboard. Besides..it doesn't matter if I actually eat something I'll throw it up within the hour. I think I'll stick with the shit they push through this" she tugged lightly on the NG tube.

The door opened slowly, "Up for visitors?" Nicole stuck her head in, "The nurse said it was okay..."

"Of course, come on in" Adam greeted her, "Hey, Zoe." He smiled.

"Zoe!" Kim sat up, "Come here! I've missed you."

Zoe hung back a bit, "Hi." She gave a little wave.

Nicole hugged Kim and checked the discarded tray of food, "That's not very appealing.." she scrunched her face up in disgust.

"No shit. That's why I didn't eat it." Kim laughed watching as Adam and Zoe talked off to the side.

"Kim..you.."

Kim's hand shot up, "Don't you start too, he was just lecturing me on how I need to eat. It's not going to happen..not while I'm here. I will stick with the tube."

"Can I give her a hug?" Zoe asked Adam, "I'm nervous."

Adam placed his hands on her shoulders, "Don't be. Aunt Kim would love a hug. She's really missed you."

Zoe cautiously approached the bed, "Hi. Are you okay?"

Kim smiled at her, "I am now. I'm so glad you came. I was getting tired of talking to Adam." She teased, "Can I hug your neck?"

Zoe nodded and walked into Kim's opened arms, "I love you Aunt Kim. I'm sorry your sick."

Kim pulled back, "I love you too."

"How's she doing?" Nicole asked Adam, "She looks a bit better than yesterday."

Adam folded his arms across his chest. "She's still not taking anything by mouth, but that smile on her face?" He glanced over his shoulder to look at Kim and Zoe, "is the first genuine smile I've seen in a few days. She's really missed Zoe. I think that sweet girl is just what the doctor ordered."

"That makes me so happy. Zoe was really nervous to see her, she's struggling a bit. I totally get that, I'm struggling with it. She's just a kid, you know? It's a lot to take in for anyone but a kid? I can't imagine what's going through her head."

"Adam, why don't you and Nicole go grab an early dinner or something. I think Zoe and I need to catch up on all things middle school." She and Zoe always spent a least one day a week together, just the two of them.

"I'm not hungry, and I don't want to leave you alone." Adam countered. "Plus, I'd like to hear about all things middle school. Sounds fun." It was a straight up lie but he didn't care, the thought of leaving made him sick to his stomach.

He rarely left the hospital and sometimes he made her skin crawl. She hated those moments when she felt that way, he was just trying to help her but some days it was just too much. His constant hovering was maddening, and she did her best to not bite his head off.

"I won't be alone, I've got Zoe." Kim pointed to the door, "Go on...get out of here. Zoe tell uncle Adam the rules"

Zoe had already jumped up in the bed with Kim, any apprehension she may have felt when she first arrived had vanished and she was happy to have reunited with her aunt, "The rule is Mom isn't allowed to hang out with me and Aunt Kim. It's our time. So Mom has to leave." She pointed to the door.

"I'm implementing a new rule, Z. No boys allowed." Kim shooed Adam away.

He held his hands up, "Alright, can I at least get a kiss?"

"Of course" Kim smiled.

Adam made his way to the bed, "Alright, I'll be back" he ran his hand along Kim's calf, "Bye Zoe." He kissed her cheek.

Kim laughed, "Funny, Ruzek. Funny."

"What? You thought I was gonna kiss you?" Adam teased, "You want a kiss?"

"You know it." Kim grabbed a hold of his face, "I love you." She muttered against his lips, "Eat. Please. Then drop Nicole off here and you grab a few hours of sleep. Don't make me send Kevin."

Adam rolled his eyes, "Fine. I'm going. Call me. For anything, okay?"

"I will."

"Why do I feel like we were kicked out of the hospital?" Adam asked Nicole as he picked at the burger and fries, "I hate leaving her."

"We were in fact kicked out. She's worried about you Adam. I am too." Nicole could see the weariness on his face, he was barely holding it together.

"Stop. I'm fine." Adam ran the napkin across his lips, "I wish she'd stop worrying about me. She's got enough on her plate."

"She loves you Adam, of course she's going to worry about you. Plus it's Kim. She worries about worrying, you know this."

"I hate this. I fucking hate cancer." Adam ran his hands over his face, "Forget it. Let's just eat okay?"

Nicole reached across the table to hold Adam's hand, "Kim is tough, Adam. She will beat this."

Adam just nodded, afraid to speak, afraid that he'd lose it.

Kim stroked Zoe's hair as her niece lay beside her, "I'm okay Zoe. I've got great doctors and nurses. The medicine is working, I don't want you to worry. Okay?"

Zoe turned in her arms, "I can't help it. Nana, mommy, and uncle Adam. They're scared. I am too."

This was what Kim had wanted to avoid, she hated putting the people she loved through this. As much as she wanted to protect them from all of this, she knew she needed them. They were her lifeline. Her reason for living.

"Oh I know baby. It's scary for me too. We just have to be brave, can you be breve for me?"

"I can try." Zoe replied.

"No, you don't have to try Zoe. You are already brave. You're one of the bravest people I know." She tapped the tip of Zoe's nose, "There's something else you can do for me."

"What?"

"Uncle Adam. He's trying to be so strong for me, but he needs help to. He won't ask for it. Do you think you could keep an eye on him for me? Make sure he's okay? I worry about him when I'm in here and he's alone at home. Maybe you and your mom can take him out to dinner or just hang out with him the nights I'm here. You think you could do that?"

Zoe grinned from ear to ear, "I can! I love him so much. He's the best."

"That he is. I know he loves you. He needs you. I'd be so grateful if you could look out for him. You'd be helping me out."

"I'll do it." Zoe was eager to help.

Kim could see the fear written all over Zoe's face the minute she arrived and she hoped that having Zoe focus on Adam would help to ease her fears. A distraction of sorts, if only she could do the same for Adam.

"Before you say anything I'm going..I just wanted to say good night to you." Adam sat on the edge of the bed already having walked Nicole and Zoe to their car. He ran the back of his hand along her cheek, "God..I love you. You know that right?"

Kim leaned into his touch a bit, "I had a sneaking suspicion. I love you too." She pulled him towards her, "So very much, with all of my heart. Now, go home." She kissed him once more. "I know I'm not supposed to be kissing you so much.." they feared with her weakened immune system that she'd pick up a bug and it was the last thing she needed. It was hard, he was pretty irresistible.

Adam leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. "I know..it's just hard baby. All of this is so hard."

She ran her thumb over his bottom lip, "I know"

"I don't want to leave you. I don't want to go home without you." Adam whispered, "I can't. Please don't ask me too. I've been away from you long enough. Let me stay..please?"

He was begging and it broke her heart she scooted over to make room for him "Don't go. I want to be back in your arms. Maybe we will both get some sleep that way."

Kim sat up so Adam could position himself behind her, "So, how was dinner?" She asked, running her hand up and down his forearm.

"It was okay. We just grabbed some burgers. How was your time with Zoe? How's middle school?"

Kim chuckled, "That's privileged information, Adam. What happens between a girl and her aunt is private."

"No boys, right? They better not be sniffing around my niece. I'm not above scaring the shit of a horny little prick." He leaned back against the pillow, "Nicole hassled me about sleep...you've been talking about me?"

"Maybe a little bit. I can see how exhausted you are. If you're not here you're working and I worry about you." Kim explained.

"I'm fine." Adam kissed her, "Close your eyes and get some sleep."

 ** _So, this was supposed to be the last part of this story but it seems there's more story left to be told. As always thanks for reading!!!_**


	12. Chapter 12

"This is nice" Kim purred as she tucked herself into Adam's side, it was a lazy Sunday and she was enjoying every minute of it. She had been discharged a few days ago and was finally starting to feel somewhat normal, it was nice to have break in treatment. They had pulled the NG tube and she was given strict orders to eat and put on some much needed weight. They hoped she'd put enough weight on that the next round of treatment wouldn't lead to her wasting away.

Adam ran his hand along her lower back, slipping it inside the hem of her sweats. He ached to feel her beneath him, he settled his hand on her ass "Very nice." He teased, "Seriously though, this is heaven. Being at home with you, it's absolute heaven." He kissed her head, "You feeling okay?"

Kim leaned on his chest, "Adam, I'm fine. You need to relax. The doctors wouldn't have let me come home if I wasn't okay."

Adam sighed, "I know, I do. It's hard, I can't stop worrying about you."

"I know. I love that about you. I love how you look after me. I just need you take it down a notch or two..okay? Please?"

"I can't make any promises but I will try my best. You ready for some breakfast?" Adam asked as he climbed out of bed, "I can scramble up some eggs or something."

"Gross. Anything but eggs. I think I'm going to shower first, maybe we can call Kevin. See if he wants to meet for breakfast." Kim kicked off the covers, "it will nice to catch up with him."

If Adam had his way they would've stayed home, but he understood Kim's desire to get out and about. She'd been in the hospital a lot over the last six months and he would do whatever she asked of him. He was putty in her hands.

Kim sat in the booth, the Cubs hat pulled low on her head. Her nose buried in the menu, she still took his breath away and made his heart race when she smiled or looked his way.

"What?" Kim glanced up at him, "you're staring at me."

Adam shrugged, "Guilty as charged." He laughed, "You're beautiful."

"You're a liar. I'm bald, pale, and skinny. Not exactly what I'd call beautiful." She closed the menu, "Kevin is coming right?" She hadn't seen much of anyone since her diagnosis, they'd all been pulling double duty to allow Adam to have some time off.

"He is. He's running a little late, he should be here soon."

Kevin watched them from afar, he smiled as Kim threw her head back and laughed over something Adam had said. Knowing Adam it was it either crude or just down right silly, you never knew what would come out of Adam Ruzek's mouth.

"Alright you two, knock it off." Kevin rapped his knuckles on the edge of the table, "Burgess..how're you doing?" He held her hands in his as she stood up, "Its good to see you smiling."

Kim hugged him, "I'm good. Today I'm good." She moved to sit next to Adam, allowing Kevin to sit opposite them, "What about you?"

"Same shit, different day. Work is strange without you." Kevin grabbed the tablet on the table and placed his order, "We miss you."

"I miss you guys too. I will have to stop in this week. How's Jay?" Kim was worried about him, she hadn't heard a word from Erin since she skipped town and Jay had wallowed a bit.

"Better. In fact we are all meeting up at Mollys tonight. Long overdue for a boys night" Kevin threw his arm over the back of the bench, "Pretty sure Antonio will be there too."

Kim nudged Adam, "Babe, you should go."

"Nope, I'm good." Adam curled his lip, there was no way he was going out without her.

"Adam! You should go. I'll be fine." Kim told him, "I've got a bunch of television to catch up on." She couldn't wait to settle down and get caught up on all of her shows.

"No."

Kim cut her eyes at Kevin, silently pleading for his help. "C'mon Ruzek. Just for a little while, a couple of hours tops. You need to cut loose a bit. It's been months, man."

Adam sighed, "Are you sure?" He was definitely torn, he would enjoy himself with the boys but the thought of Kim being home alone didn't sit well with him.

"Positive." Kim kissed his cheek, "You deserve to have some fun. Plus, it will save you from watching Dancing With the Stars with me."

"Well, that settles it. I hate that fucking show" Adam laughed, "Just for a little bit."

Jay brought the beers to the table, "I think he flaked out man, he's not coming." He handed one to Antonio, "I don't blame him though. Watching the woman you love fight for her life...that's rough. I don't know if I could do it."

Antonio bobbed his head up and down, "You could. You would."

Kevin agreed, "You'd do it man, there's not another option. You're not a dick who'd turn and run. You'd stick it out."

Adam looked over at Kim, she was snuggled up on the couch absorbed in something on the television. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes looked heavy, he plopped down on the arm of the couch, "I've changed my mind. I'm gonna stay home. With you"

Kim grabbed the remote and paused her show, "No. You're going. You need this Adam."

"I don't want to leave you. I don't want to waste a night on the boys when I can be here. With you." Adam explained, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am." Kim sat up, "I'm just tired. So, please go out. I guarantee I will be asleep within the hour, I won't even miss you."

"Ah, I see how it is. One condition." Adam held her chin in his hand, "Call me if you need me. For anything at all, okay?"

"I will. Adam, I need you to have fun tonight. Can you do that for me?"

Adam kissed her, "I will do my best."

"Well look what the fucking cat dragged" Kevin jumped up and hugged Adam, "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show."

Adam forced a smile, "Kim made me come. I would've rather hung out with her than you ugly ass fools." He accepted the beer from Jay, "How's work?"

Adam had been off the last few days since Kim's discharge and hadn't worked much at all over the last six months. He had used all of his banked furlough and had dipped into the PBA's shared furlough account. The days he did go into work he was tethered to a desk and was gone before five.

"It's work. It's quiet with you not around." Jay pointed at him, "Voight is still an ass, and Atwater is still breaking doors at every turn. So, nothing's changed in your absence."

"Talk to us man, how're you?" Kevin asked. Kim had begged him to get Adam to open up a bit. She was constantly worried about him, she knew that he wasn't dealing with his own emotions. She could see it written all over his face, he wasn't eating enough nor was he sleeping enough. She was terrified that he was burying it so deep within him and that one day he was just going to lose it. She was certain it wouldn't be pretty when he finally did lose it.

"Fine and dandy." Adam snarked, "Sorry.." he had regretted it the minute it left his lips, "I assume you've been talking to Kim about me."

"Yeah. She's worried man." Kevin leaned on the table, "I won't lie, I am too." He could see it, Adam had lost weight and he looked spent, "You're of no help to Kim if you're not taking care of yourself."

Adam ran his finger over the rim of the bottle, "You've got no clue what it is like, Kev. No fucking clue. It hell on earth to watch the woman you live fight this beast. There's absolutely nothing I can do to help. I can only watch as the poison fills her bloodstream zapping every ounce of strength she has. I watch as she pukes for hours on end, I watch as she struggles to just take a few steps. She's wasting away in front of me and I can't do jackshit. It's fucking hard" his voice cracking a bit, "So fucking forgive me if I'm not taking care of myself, I'm doing all I can to keep my head above water."

Kevin looked at his hands, "I don't know what to say."

"Nothing. Sometimes there's nothing to say. It fucking sucks. Kim doesn't deserve this, she's this perfect soul, and this beast has invaded her body and I hate watching as it slowly eats away at her." Adam flicked away a tear from the corner of his eye.

Kevin clamped his hand around Adam's shoulder, "Lean on us brother. Let us help you carry the burden. We all love Kim..and we like you" he smirked, "let us help."

Adam nodded, "I will. Thanks man."

She ran her hand over her stomach, it was slick with sweat. She kicked the light blanket off again, it was a constant battle to find some level of comfort. One minute she was hot and the next she was freezing cold and dripping with sweat. She had started to feel a bit off when they had gone out to eat with Kevin, she had tried to push through it. She knew the rules, the second she spiked a fever over 101 she was to head to the hospital and she'd be admitted. That wasn't an option though, she was sick of hospitals and wanted to be home for more than a few days.

So she ignored it.

Clearly it was a mistake.

She heard his voice, it was soft and sounded as if it was miles away.

He had felt his heart jump in his throat the second he stepped foot in the living room, she was laying on the couch her cheeks beet red and only the whites of her eyes visible.

"Kim..baby.." he placed the back of his hand on her forehead, "baby..you burning up..." he shook her lightly, "Darlin', look at me."

"Adam..." Kim groaned, it was near on impossible to pull her thoughts together. Her eyes struggled to focus, her limbs felt heavy and her head was pounding.

"Oh, baby." Adam kissed her head, he grabbed the thermometer from the end table,"Open up..I need to check your temp"

Kim slowly opened her mouth, he slipped the thermometer in and watched. The numbers quickly flew up, he yanked it out when it hit 103 not waiting for the minute mark.

"Fuck" he tossed it on the table, "Babe we gotta go to the hospital."

"No!" Kim mumbled, "Okay..stay home."

He gathered her bag that they kept packed and ready to go, "You should've called me." He went to slip her shoes on her feet when he heard a gurgling sound and her body began to convulse violently on the couch.

"Kim!" Adam screamed snatching his phone off the floor and calling for an ambulance, "Darlin', I'm here..baby..I'm here." He watched in agony as she seized, her body twitching. He held her hand as best he could.

He could hear the roar of the sirens in the distance, "Kim..baby..." he turned her on her side as her body stopped seizing, he had a pretty basic knowledge when it came to first aid. He knew there was a high probability that she would vomit and the last thing he needed was her aspirating it into her lungs.

Kim was barely conscious, her body still twitched slightly and as expected she vomited, Adam grabbed the throw blanket and cleaned it up as best he could.

He jumped up to open the door when one of the paramedics knocked, "She's unresponsive, she's seizing. She's got cancer." Adam rattled off as the medics examined her, "She's got a fever. It's at least 103"

The older medic grabbed a thermometer and ran it across her forehead, "It's 104.8. We need to go." He scooped her up in his arms and ran her out to the ambulance, Adam on his heels.

"I'm riding with her!" Adam announced.

"Fine. You need to ride up front though."

"Excuse me." Jay excused himself to take the call, he stepped outside to escape the sound of the band. He and Kevin had embarked on a pub crawl once Adam left, it was far too early to call it a night.

"Hey. It's me, we've got Kim here." Will had just left the exam room, "She's in rough shape."

Jay pinched the bridge of his nose, "Shit..."

"I think Ruzek could use some company. He's not doing well either." Will made a notation in a chart, "It's not good Jay, not good at all."

The hospital was fairly quiet, he had found a seat off to the corner almost hidden from view. Aside from a couple with their little boy, and an older gentleman it was pretty desolate. It was that strange hour between calm and chaos. The craziness of the day had shifted into the night, in just a few hours the place would be packed. For now it was calm and quiet, though Adam was neither calm nor quiet.

He could still feel the security guard's eyes on him, he had been forcibly removed from Kim's side. He was reeling, was struggling just to get a breath. In his haste leaving the house he had left his cell phone and wallet behind. He was here alone, and close to a full blown panic attack.

He had lost track of time, he was lost.

There was no other way to describe the immense fear he felt, it was coupled with an overwhelming guilt. He should have never gone out and left her alone, he would never forgive himself.

Adam got up and headed for the desk, "Excuse me...my girlfriend Kim Burgess, can I see her yet? I need to see her." He was begging the woman in front of him, his voice didn't sound like his own, it was surreal. He felt as if he was trapped in some awful horror movie.

He was fucking terrified.

The woman glanced up at him, briefly meeting his eyes "They're still assessing her. As soon as you're allowed back someone will notify you."

Adam hung his head, he pulled in a long breath and blew it out slowly, "Okay..."

He felt the hand on his shoulder, "Kevin?"

Kevin sat beside him, "How is she?"

Adam shrugged, "Don't know, how'd you know I was here?"

"Will called Jay. He's here too, he's just catching up with his brother. I thought Kim was okay. All things considered. What happened?"

Adam ran his hands over his face, "I never should've went out, man. I should've stayed home. It was awful, I got home and she was out of it. Burning up. She was almost incoherent...I took her temp..she started seizing. She puked all over herself." He stuffed his hands in his armpits, folding his arms across his chest. He was desperately trying to maintain his composure, trying to hide his shaking hands from his friends.

"Fuck..." Kevin groaned, "Have you seen her yet?"

"No." Adam stood up and started pacing, "I never should've went out. If I had stayed home she wouldn't be here..." he kicked at the small table sending it sliding across the floor.

Kevin grabbed a hold of him, "Stop it, Adam. It's not your fault."

"Why is this happening to her? Huh? Why..she's so good Kev. She's amazing, she doesn't deserve this."

Rarely was Kevin Atwater speechless, but he was. He didn't have an explanation for Adam, he couldn't offer any words of advice he couldn't lessen Adam's pain or Kim's for that matter. "I dunno. Sometimes awful things happen to good people. The best people."

"Adam! Adam!" Nicole yelled frantically, "Oh, Adam!" She found him huddled in the corner, "How's Kim?"

Adam hugged her, "I don't know. They haven't come out to talk to me. It's been over an hour. I'm scared." He felt the slim hold he had on his emotions begin to slip, "Where's Zoe?" He pulled back from her and wiped his eyes.

"A sleep over. What happened? I talked to Kim just a few hours ago, she said she was okay. You had gone out with the boys, I offered to come over but she said she was tired but that she was okay." Nicole had been distraught since the hospital had called her.

"I shouldn't have gone out." Adam muttered.

"It would have happened regardless, Adam. You did nothing wrong." Nicole reached up to touch his cheek.

He jerked his head away, "I shouldn't have gone."

"Family of Kim Burgess?" The doctor called out, both Adam and Nicole flying out of their chairs, "I'm Doctor Jamison, let's sit down."

Adam was far too nervous to sit down, "Kim? Is she okay?" He was bouncing on the balls of his feet. Patience was never his strong suit, he was going out of his mind with worry. The result of that worry was Adam being in constant motion, too nervous and scared to be still for any length of time.

"She's stable." He replied, ushering Nicole into a seat, "She's spiked a fever and suffered a seizure."

"No shit." Adam snapped, "Why? She's been okay."

Nicole grabbed Adam's hand, "Is my sister going to be okay?"

"It's going to be rough seas for a bit. It's not uncommon for cancer patients to spike fevers and the like. Kim's counts are low, we've started her on a course of IV antibiotics and hopefully we will get the infection under control. My fear is that she may have aspirated vomit into her lungs. As I'm sure you know if she did it will bring a host of complications. We've sedated her for the time being, give her body a chance to recuperate and allow the antibiotics to work."

"Can I see her?"

"Of course, I will take you up. She's currently in the ICU, you'll have to visit one at a time."

Nicole waved her hand, "I'm good, Adam. You go. I've got to call mom and check in on Zoe. Kiss my sister for me, okay?"

Adam nodded, "Of course. I will call you." He placed a quick kiss on Nicole's cheek and followed the doctor.

Adam felt the wind leave his sails the minute he stepped foot in the room, "She's on a vent?" He was shocked at how quickly he had taken to using medical jargon, cancer was far reaching. He had immersed himself into a world that was ugly and knew no bounds. A world that was vicious and cruel, a world no one wanted a part of it.

"It's what's best for Kim. I apologize I should've warned you. She's capable of breathing on her own, it's precautionary. We want to give her the best chance of recovery possible, putting her on a vent allows her body to heal. She's fighting an ugly infection, and we want to stay on top of it. She's going to get worse before she gets better. Trust us, Adam. We know what we are doing."

Adam nodded, "I do. It's just hard to see her like this." He flicked a tear from the corner of his eye, "She's my everything. I want to help her..I want to take all of this on, I want to be the one in that bed. Not her. Not my precious beautiful Kim."


	13. Epilogue

He could think of a thousand places he'd rather be at, he had a serious dislike of hospitals. He hated them.

Nothing good ever came from a visit to the hospital.

It was where he almost lost Kim.

The visions of her hooked up to the ventilator still haunted his dreams, it was forever imprinted in his mind's eye.

It was where he watched Kim struggle for every breath, he watched her fight to live. It was also where her heart had been broken, where she was told that she may never conceive a child.

That her body had been to hell and back and while the doctor didn't rule it out completely, he told them it was highly unlikely. He fell short of calling it impossible but it was clear that he was hinting at that.

The look on Kim's face that morning was heartbreaking, Adam knew she wanted nothing more than to be a mother. To carry a child within her womb, to nurture it and feel the miracle of life growing inside her. He held her that night for hours as she cried, he didn't care that she may be unable to get pregnant, he was just thankful she was alive and healthy.

Kim had struggled with her assumed infertility and tried to push Adam away, citing how he deserved so much more than she could give him. Adam had shut that down quickly, declaring she was all he ever wanted in the world.

They agreed to concentrate on each other, as soon as Kim was declared to be in remission and her treatments finished they had taken a trip of a lifetime. They spent two weeks on the beach, and ended up getting married during their stay. It was very spur of the moment, not the idea of being married but the wedding itself. They had talked about it a lot during Kim's battle with cancer, they knew they'd get married. It was the wedding itself, it had come out of nowhere. They had witnessed a couple getting married at sunset one evening and Adam had suggested it. Kim's eyes lit up and in that instant they knew it was meant to be.

It was absolutely perfect.

It was just the two of them, Kim had looked stunning in the simple linen dress she had found in the hotel's boutique. Adam wore linen slacks and a pale blue shirt, both stood barefoot in the sand as they exchanged their vows.

They had fought overcome every obstacle life had thrown at them, they had been knocked on their asses but they got up every single time, stronger because of it.

When they finally returned home they had a huge party, it was then they announced their marriage to their family and friends. It was a party for the ages, while everyone was thrilled for them, a few were disappointed to have missed out on the wedding. Zoe in particular was pretty bummed, Kim had suggested another party one where they reaffirmed their vows.

Six months later they had done just that, it was perfect. They thoroughly enjoyed celebrating with their friends, as perfect as their actual wedding had been this was right up there. They loved being with their family and friends, Adam really enjoyed their second honeymoon. It was a gift from the intelligence unit, they had booked them a room for the weekend in one of Chicago's best hotels. They had been ordered to spare no expense, Adam didn't. It had been an amazing weekend, one filled with room services, and steamy showers.

They never left the confines of their room, they barely got dressed.

In the blink of an eye two years had flown by, a lot had changed for them.

For all of them.

Nicole had put her rape behind her and was thriving, she had even entered the dating scene again. Zoe was happy as could be, she was in her final year of middle school and looking forward to high school.

Kim was inching closer to being declared cured. She had no trace of cancer in her body and was in great spirits.

Adam had just been promoted to detective and while it led to longer hours at work he loved it.

Things had been trending upwards at a good clip.

Until everything came to a screaming halt.

" _Hey baby..." Adam kissed her cheek, "Good day?"_

 _Kim dropped her feet in his lap, "Not too bad. I've felt a bit off, but it seems okay now. I went shopping with Nicole, I think that might be why. My sister can shop. I think I'm just tired." It still didn't take much to exhaust her, and shopping with Nicole would leave many exhausted._

 _Adam massaged her calves, "You sure that's all it is? You look kind of pale, you've looked that way for a few days now."_

 _Kim pinched the bridge of her nose, "Don't go there Adam" it was one of the many long lasting effects of having cancer. "I'm not sick." Once you've had cancer a cold was never just a cold. It could be the first sign that the monster called cancer was back. It was hard to not be pulled down that rabbit hole._

 _"Kim..." Adam was terrified, afraid a relapse was just waiting around the corner. "I've heard you throwing up a few days ago. You're not eating much. Forgive me for being worried.." he snapped._

 _Kim lifted her legs from his lap and moved closer to him, "I'm sorry." She wrapped her arm around his neck, "Sometimes I forget how hard it was for you..how hard it still is for you. I'm sure it's nothing."_

 _"How?" Adam asked, he'd love to have her confidence, "Darlin', I can't help but worry about you."_

 _"I will make an appointment with the doctor, okay? I will get a complete work up. I honestly think it's nothing but a bug that I've picked up along the way. It's just taking me a bit longer to kick it. That's all. I'm okay, Adam."_

Neither one was prepared for what was to come.

 _"Well, I'm going to run a few tests, draw some blood." The doctor looked at the chart. "Any other issues or concerns?"_

 _Kim clutched the gown closer to her chest, "What kind of tests?"_

 _"The normal tests. I'd like to see what your numbers are like, also running a pregnancy test. I know it's unlikely but I just want to cover all the bases."_

 _Kim had refused to even acknowledge the symptoms, afraid to get her hopes up. She knew the odds were stacked against her, but she had the tiniest sliver of hope and admitting it was scary. She liked not knowing, it allowed her to pretend a bit._

 _"Okay." Kim mumbled, she could feel the lump in her throat, "I'm sure I'm not."_

 _"Let's just see what the tests say, okay?" She patted Kim on the shoulder as she left the exam room._

Kim was grateful Adam had been unable to get away from work, they had been pulled into a case involving multiple agencies and it was intense. She could handle her own disappointment but not Adam's she knew how he longed to be a father. He never pushed the issue, never mentioned adoption instead he followed her lead. He allowed her to make that call, stating that he supported her no matter what.

As the phlebotomist walked out with the vials of Kim's blood it felt as if time stood still, it was an agonizing twenty minutes.

The doctor's smile told Kim all she needed to know.

She had defied the odds, she was pregnant.

Her eyes had overflowed with tears and her heart raced, it was hard to listen to her doctor as she rattled off a list of instructions and handed her a referral to a high risk ob-gyn.

Somehow she had made it home, it was all a blur to be honest. The best kind of blur, she couldn't wait for Adam to get home.

As expected Adam was over the moon, and it was going to be a struggle to keep the pregnancy to themselves.

They had pulled it off, waiting until it was impossible to keep the secret. Once the word spread it was a constant stream of well wishes and gifts.

So many gifts.

Adam had insisted on a gender reveal party, an act that surprised Kim a bit. Never in a million years did she think he even had a clue such things existed. She handed over control of it to him and he ran with it.

He had decided to contact the local shooting range and they had rigged up a target for Adam to shoot. The ob-gyn's office faxed over the information and the folks at the range pulled it all together.

Just a few weeks later everyone gathered in the back yard as Adam took his shot the target exploded into pink powder as the shot hit its mark.

They were having a girl.

Adam was a blubbering fool as he held Kim, burying in his face in her neck. The pair lost in their own bubble.

Kim's pregnancy was textbook, everything happened as it was supposed to. It was labor that had them worried, Adam was beside himself with fear.

Lamaze classes had been a blessing and a curse, where it prepared Kim a bit it only fueled Adam's fears. Kim worried he was going to give himself an ulcer, he was a mess.

Kim's water broke just twelve hours ago. They had been eating dinner when Kim felt the first popping sensation, her face scrunched up in discomfort. Adam flew out of his chair in an instant.

They had made it to the hospital in record time, and they waited.

And waited.

It was why Adam now found himself outside in the courtyard of the hospital, he'd been kicked out of the room.

 _Go for a walk...do something. You're driving me crazy_

Kim waved him out of the room, his nervous energy was hard to contain somedays. He was a walking advertisement for ADHD.

Kim fanned herself with a magazine, "I'm telling you..I'm gonna kill him." She dropped the magazine and grabbed the cup of ice beside her bed, "I mean it Nicole. I'm going to kill him. I trust you'll help me hide his body."

Nicole chuckled, "Nope. You're on your own. He's nervous Kim. Perhaps a little scared." She had witnessed Adam's fear first hand. Watching him sit vigil beside Kim during the worst of it had been heartwarming. It was odd, Nicole knew that but there was a sweetness to it. In Kim's toughest days Adam stood beside her, almost willing her to recover.

Kim growled in frustration, "God, I'm a bitch." She rested her arm on her forehead, "He's suffocating sometimes. He's constantly in my face..asking me what I need or want. It just makes my skin crawl."

"I know the feeling well, it's how you made me feel when I was recovering." She patted her sister's leg, "I understand both sides, Kim. It's rough to be where you are but it's just as scary to be sitting where Adam is..where I am. It's so hard to see you in that bed."

"It's not the same Nic." Kim replied, "I'm not sick this time..just knocked up."

"I know" she nodded, "it's still hard though."

"Yo!" Kevin called out, "Adam...what's going on?" He caught up with him, "why aren't you with Kim?" He tucked the teddy bear under his arm, "Is everything okay?"

Adam nodded, "Yeah. Kim kicked me out of the room, I'm driving her crazy." He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm nervous man. So fucking nervous. I don't have even the slightest idea of how to take care of a baby."

"Good thing you've got Kim." Kevin teased, they headed for the elevators, "Adam, you're gonna be an amazing dad. How lucky is that baby? She's got Kim for a mom, you're her pops..and me, I'm the worlds greatest uncle. She's a lucky little shit."

Adam laughed as the elevator doors slid open, "You're awfully full of yourself you know."

"I do." Kevin nodded, "I ain't lying though, you know it."

"Nah, I guess you aren't." Adam agreed.

She had heard so many of her mom friends tell her how she'd feel the second she laid eyes on her baby, she had listened as Nicole told her the story of the first time she held Zoe. It still didn't prepare her for this moment.

The moment you met your baby for the first time, it was overwhelming.

"She's here!" The doctor cradled the baby, holding her up for Kim and Adam to see briefly before doing a quick once over.

A nurse pulled the blanket off Kim, she placed the infant on her chest.

Kim marveled at the infant on her chest, she was a bright pink her arms flailing a bit as she became aware of her new surroundings, "Oh my goodness..." Kim spoke through tears, "Our beautiful daughter." She pulled the infant tighter into her arms, "Oh, baby I love you so very much."

It was the most amazing feeling in the world, holding your newborn. It was special regardless but for Kim and Adam, this baby was their miracle. Kim was overwhelmed by the weight of it all, she finally had it all.

She had her handsome and loving husband, and now they had a gorgeous little girl.

"I'm so proud of you." Adam whispered into Kim's ear, "You're amazing, you did this darlin', you did this." He kissed her temple, "She's beautiful." He couldn't take his eyes of his little girl, this tiny little person who now had ownership of his heart. It was no longer in his chest, it was now in the palms of his little girl's hands. She held his heart, she was his heart.

To be fair he hadn't had possession of his heart for a long time, it had been given to Kim ages ago. She had held his heart in her hands, and now she was sharing it with their daughter.

His girls.

He was fucking lucky.

It was late when things finally settled down, it had been a constant stream of visitors for most of the day, everyone wanted a glimpse of the newest Ruzek. It had been a bit chaotic, their sweet baby was well loved.

Adam watched as Kim fed the baby, the bottle was ridiculously small and he was surprised to see such a small amount of formula, he has assumed she'd need more than that. The doctor had assured him that it was plenty and she wasn't going to starve.

Kim placed the empty bottle on the bed, "Come hold your daughter." She adjusted the blanket around her, "You haven't held her yet."

Adam sat on the edge of the bed, "I don't know darlin', I've never held a baby that little. I don't know what to do." He was scared shitless.

"Just take her. You'll know what to do. I've been waiting all day for this moment." She couldn't wait to see their baby in his arms. "just support her head, okay? She won't be able to hold her head up for a bit, so it's important that we help her."

"Okay." Adam held his arms open, he settled her into the crook of his arm, "My God Kim..she's breathtaking." He dipped his head and placed a light kiss on the tip of her nose, "She's fucking beautiful. I love her so much."

Kim wiped a tear from the corner of her eyes, "She loves you too. So much. I love you too. Thank you for giving me our daughter."

"Me? I'm pretty sure this was all you, darlin'." Adam laughed.

"No." Kim scooted up and leaned against his back, resting her chin on his shoulder, she reached down to run the back of her hand over the baby's cheek, "It wasn't all me. It's because of you that I could go on. You stood by me when I needed you most, even after I pushed you away..you came back to me. You loved me through it all, you loved me through my darkest days. You held me while I cried, you held my hair back when I puked. You gave me the strength I needed to go on...you gave me hope when I had none. You gave me life, Adam. You gave me my life back, and you gave me this amazing little girl."

"You are amazing." Adam turned to kiss her, "You gave all those things and then some to me, Kim. This. This right here. Us. The three of us, this all I will ever need in life. My girls."

"Madison Ruzek, welcome to our family, happy birthday sweet girl." Kim kissed her tiny hand.

Adam smiled, "Madison Hope Ruzek." He glanced at Kim from the corner of his eye, "What do you think?"

"I love it. She's our Madi-Hope."

"She's our perfect little girl." Adam handed her back to Kim, "Just like her daddy." He smirked.

"Just like her daddy huh?" Kim laughed.

"No" Adam turned to face her, "She's perfect like you. I love you so much Kim, you and Madison. My family."

"Life is pretty perfect" Kim replied, "I've finally got my happy ever after."

"Baby, it's only just begun."

 ** _Thanks for taking this journey with me! I feel towards the end it got a bit stale and hard to write, so I'm going to take that as a sign. I'm taking a break from writing, thanks so much for reading and leaving reviews, it's been fun!_**


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